


Pills to Cope With Bad Decisions

by wonderlandiscrumbling



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alt timeline, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Illness, Mentions of past child abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide mention, ftm character, pill addiction, season four, some sexual content, transgender Riddler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-09 00:39:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 46,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15255585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonderlandiscrumbling/pseuds/wonderlandiscrumbling
Summary: Ed has always secretly had issues with pills, especially during the worst times in his life. He knows he should quit his habit especially before Oswald finds out.





	1. Chapter 1

"These might help you with your little grieving problem." Barbara commented offhandedly as she tossed a small black box at Ed, he just barely caught it.

He stared down at it, shook it listening to the rattling, he furrowed his brow in confusion looking from the box then back up at her. He held it up in question, she rolled her eyes already annoyed with him.

"Pills, to help you focus."

"I don't think I should..." He started, already holding the container out to her hoping that she'd take it back. Instead she took a step back and shook her head, curls of blonde hair bouncing.

"No, they're yours. You need to keep your shit together and if you keep having these little breakdowns of yours then people are going to start putting pieces together. Just don't over do it though, those things have a Hell of a bite to them." 

With that she turned on her heels and walked out of the room, he watched her as she walked away, hypnotized by her confidence and ease. He wondered how she could do that, so far he felt he was only faking such things and quite horribly at that. 

He looked back down at the box, flipped the lid open and looked at the numerous little white pill capsules within. It wasn't like this would be something new for him, in college he used to borrow prescriptions from his roommate to keep his nerves down and to keep his focus high during exams. Then again while working for the GCPD he would use illegally obtained prescriptions to keep himself from going absolutely insane from the stress of the job, stress that came from the toxic masculinity that surrounded him and assaulted him on a daily basis. After he'd killed Kristen, after he'd met Oswald though he had stopped abusing medications. He'd wanted to get control of himself and his life, he wanted to see just how well he could perform without any medical assistance. To prove himself to him. He swallowed hard thinking about those things again.

He was surprised the pills were what Barbara gave him, he'd expected a shot to the head more than anything. He felt ashamed and embarrassed for his breakdown, for the guilt filled emotional breakdown he'd had when delivering his statement to the press about Oswald supposedly going missing. He supposed in a way he was missing, his body sunken at the bottom of the river. Tears stung his eyes as he thought about that early morning on the docks, Oswald's tearful pleading and his voice raspy and raw from screams and confessions of love that fell on deaf ears.

Ed plucked a pill out of the box, he placed it on his tongue and swallowed it. He closed the lid and sat the box down on the desk, he took steadying breaths to try and calm himself. He would be fine. He did what he had to do, after what Oswald had done....Killing Isabella, lying to him, using him.

He tensed when he felt a cold wet pressure on his right shoulder, a weight that felt like it was strong enough to bring him to his knees.

"Of course it was the right thing to do, I gave you no choice." The tone was snarky and bitter, he felt cold air against the side of his face and shivered.

This was fine.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a slight time skip...I might do some one shot fics about Ed during the weeks Os was "missing".

The memories of that first time danced through his mind as Ed stared down at the small pill box, freshly refilled with white capsules he knew he shouldn’t be taking. Pills that he’d sworn to stop taking just like every other medication that he abused. He flipped open the lid, retrieved a pill, popped it into his mouth, and then placed the box back into the drawer among the orange pill bottles. He jumped when he heard knocking on the bedroom door, heart thudding against his chest. When he’d been alone, when it had just been him alone in a large mansion then he felt less guilt and anxiety over his habit, but now the guilt was nearly drowning him. 

“Ed, hurry up!” Oswald called from the other side of the door, once more came the sound of his cane hitting against the door. The sound echoing in the large room, Ed closed his eyes.

“Coming,” he replied, voice too low to even be heard by his friend, but they both knew he wouldn’t keep him waiting longer.

They had an appointment with Sophia Falcone, it was never the best of ideas to keep the youngest of the Falcone family waiting. 

Ed shoved his clothes back into the drawer hiding the bottles of pills, the scripts all written for people who were not him. He took one more look at himself in the full-length mirror, he adjusted his tie then was out the door to join the smaller far less patient man. He pretended to not notice the way Oswald stared at him as if trying to read what secrets Ed was hiding from him. He simply smiled in response to his friend’s questioning gaze, despite Oswald saying things were fine between them now he had his doubts, and the last thing he wanted was to raise suspicion or upset him. 

 

At the Falcone estate Ed dutifully stood to the side watching as Sophia and Oswald discussed their plans for the city. Watching the two of them joking and bonding was rather painful, a sort of light and levity in Oswald’s body language and his eyes that Ed remembered well. Ed tensed as he watched Sophia gently touch Oswald’s knee, noted that he didn’t pull away or brush her hand away. He rolled his eyes hearing his friend complimenting her as they gossiped and talked about the GCPD, about their plans for James Gordon and the rest of them. 

Once or twice Sophia looked in Ed’s direction, she looked at him in the same inquisitive way that Oswald seemed to these days. This look of ‘what are you hiding?’, a look that made Ed shift uncomfortably, he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose with his index finger and cleared his throat. He itched to move to the sofa where Oswald was sitting across from her, felt he should be sitting right by his side with no regard for personal space, just like the old days back before the docks and before Isabella. The steady high that the pills offered was wearing off, he longed for that feeling again, to feel calm despite situations that made him feel anything but. If it weren’t for his array of drugs, then he’d be falling to pieces.

Sophia offered a deceivingly sweet smile before turning her attention back to Oswald. Ed was quite certain that her interests in his friend were completely and utterly platonic, but still he worried and wondered. He knew that there was a time where the two knew each other, bonded, and became partners in running Gotham. During a time where Ed had been frozen and put on display like some macabre trophy. He did his best to not think too much about it, but his mind found itself always wandering there, thinking about just how close the two mobsters appeared to be, how happy she made him. 

Ed closed his eyes, he counted to ten and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, Oswald was standing before him, he looked less annoyed and more concerned as he stared up at him. Ed was a bit surprised when Oswald took hold of his wrist giving it a gentle squeeze as if to silently ask if he was alright. His touch was warm, fingers calloused, and loving. 

“Let’s go Ed,” he spoke gently as if talking to a child. His tone of voice reminded Ed that he hadn’t been the same ever since being thawed out and kept in a bizarre rendition of Misery by a girl he hadn’t seen since elementary school. 

He took hold of the other man’s hand, he could feel Sophia watching them together, and he wondered what she saw when she looked at them. He felt as if possibly Oswald still loved him, cared for him, but it made him sick thinking he could care even after everything that had happened. He’d hurt him in so many ways, he knew he was undeserving of the love his friend used to so freely and honestly offer. 

Now there was nothing but questions between them, Ed felt as if he were wandering through a dense fog. He no longer knew where he stood in Oswald’s life, even when they went out together to meetings he felt as if he were being kept on the outside. No longer the prized lap dog of the ruling king of Gotham, instead he was just another outsider with no right to be involved in his plans, in his private life. Yet somehow, they shared a home, their rooms almost too close to one another. The distance between them was as tangible as it was not.

Even once they were inside the car that awaited them in the drive there was a distance. Oswald got into the backseat first followed by Ed, he was sure to sit close to the door and Ed took it as a sign to keep his own distance. There were glances, occasional and fleeting. Ed tested waters by placing his hand on the seat in the space between them, the black leather cool beneath his hand. Oswald looked down at his hand as if understanding the test, the silent question, and offering this gesture meant. Ed tried to act nonchalant to keep his own gaze straight ahead as his heart pounded in his chest. He already knew he would be taking a Valium once they were home.

Tentatively Oswald reached out, the tips of his fingers trailing over the back of Ed’s hand as if testing and exploring, touching the one person he always wanted to touch but was always too afraid to. Ed looked down at his hand, watched the light gentle way that Oswald touched his skin before finally settling on resting his hand against his. Ed smiled to himself, he felt to some extent just these little actions provided him with answers he needed, with security he desperately was seeking.

He thought about his hallucinations of Oswald, how cold and wet his touch had been. Cold and clammy like a corpse, the way he flirted and teased had always left a sickened feeling in the pit of Ed's stomach. He felt that same sort of twisted knot even in this moment with the warm real touch of Oswald's hand, he knew his touch was something he didn't deserve. He found himself staring at him, admiring how bright his green eyes shone especially with the addition of his black eyeliner. Even after all he'd been through, all he suffered he still oozed confidence; there was an ease about him as if he knew with little doubt that he was secure in his place as king of Gotham. A place that Ed had temporarily dethroned him from. 

Ed looked away when Oswald caught his gaze, he felt his cheeks warm as he blushed. He nervously tapped his foot against the floor, he thought about the docks even if it was one of the last things he wanted to think about. How pitiful Oswald had looked, disheveled and soaked from the rain, reaching out with trembling bound hands just desperately wanting to touch Ed's face one last time. Ed swallowed around the sudden lump in his throat. He was pulled from his thoughts when Oswald gave his hand a gentle squeeze, he looked over to see his friend was sitting closer now. There was a certain uncertainty in Oswald's eyes, a look that mirrored his own. Ed didn't deny him the closeness, the lessening personal space was only a reminder that Oswald against all odds lived. Against all odds Ed was alive, he knew that Oswald should have shot him that day, but he hadn't. So many chances and he never took them.

Perhaps that was what love was about.


	3. Chapter 3

Ed was the first one out of the car once they were back home. He felt the slightest bit of guilt leaving Oswald behind, he knew it was rude of him to just rush inside like that, but he couldn’t help it. Being so near him, feeling him, and smelling his cologne. Every reminder that he was alive, every reminder that despite all the Hell and suffering he’d put him through that Oswald still wanted him around. It was something that he couldn’t adjust to, along with his ever growing romantic feelings for his friend. 

He closed and locked the bedroom door behind him, his hands were shaking as he rummaged through the drawer of his bedside table looking for the little black box. He retrieved it and plucked two capsules from the container before tossing it back into the drawer. He popped the pills into his mouth swallowing them, he raked his fingers back through his hair as he sat down on the bed. He closed his eyes taking steadying breaths, he loosened his tie and removed his suit jacket tossing it carelessly to the side. He felt a familiar warmth flood his body, fingers and toes tingling. He smiled to himself as the knots of guilt and anxiety eased away leaving him in that temporary bliss. He sighed as he lay back on the bed, he normally hated losing his facilities, but ever since being thawed out he found himself craving the moments where he didn’t feel or didn’t think. 

He knew that he needed to confront situations; realistically he knew he should just talk to Oswald, tell him everything there was to tell him. He thought about their past, he thought about how his friend had always been open with him about everything. From the moment they really got to meet all Oswald did was talk, tell him about himself and his mother and then later on about his father and his grandparents. Anything that he could disclose he would. Ed wondered why, he didn’t understand why he of all people was trusted with so much information when all he did was use it to mock him and torment him.

Now here he was again, in a place he felt he should no longer refer to as home, but he had nowhere else to go. He’d tried his hands on living on the streets after Oswald had spared him, decided to let him suffer in this Hell called life instead of freezing him once more, to say it had gone poorly would be an understatement. He’d felt a sense of defeat mingled with relief when Oswald had stumbled upon him, let out an exhausted sigh and told him to get in the waiting car. He recalled their shared awkward silence on the ride back to the Lounge, remembered the curious way that Sophia Falcone had watched him when Oswald had dragged him through the building and back to the office. He’d been so certain he would be banished from the city, shot, or put back on display. He hadn’t expected the tears in Oswald’s eyes or the raw emotion as he spilled his guts to him once more.

Knocking startled Ed from his reverie. He drew himself up into a sitting position, his arms felt heavy and his head felt light. He looked towards the clock on the night stand and realized he’d been laying there for nearly three hours.

Ed carefully got up from the bed making his way to the door, he stumbled reaching out and pressing his hand against the wall to steady himself as he fumbled with the lock. Such simple actions were rather difficult, but the pills were nearly out of his system because that anxiety of ‘what now?’ was worrying the forefront of his brain. He opened the door worrying that perhaps Oswald could easily tell what he’d been doing, but he doubted it. He was surprised by the look on his friend’s face, a look he’d seen several times in the past before things turned out the way that they did. Ed swallowed hard, wordlessly he stepped to the side gesturing for him to enter the room. Oswald looked from him to the bed then down at the floor, he entered the room as if entering a home he’d never seen before. 

There was a heaviness in the air, this thick feeling of something new was about to happen. That words once more would be spoken that couldn’t be taken back, that couldn’t be laughed off as a joke or a sort of miscommunication. Ed closed the door, he pressed his forehead against the cool surface as he remembered tricking Oswald into confessing he was in love with him. He could still feel those warm hands on his arms, see that look of hope for a beautiful future where for once somebody wanted him. 

“Ed, we need to talk.” His voice was gentle, shy and unsure.

Ed smiled to himself, déjà vu and sadness filling him. He sighed turning to face the other man who was now seated upon the bed, he watched as he nervously picked at the black polish on his nails. 

“Sure, about what?”

He knew what, he knew the moment that Oswald found him on the streets that those feelings hadn’t died. He knew that Oswald had tried, that he still tried his damnedest to squash the love he felt for the man who humiliated him and put a bullet in him. 

“Are you happy here?”

Ed leaned back against the door, he looked around the large bedroom as if searching for an answer.

“Yes,” he eventually replied, it wasn’t really a lie.

Being back home was much better than being on the streets cold and confused with a horrific pain in his skull.

“It’s okay if you aren’t, you can tell me. I mean I still think of you as my best friend and after everything, I know that you probably….I can give you the money for a place of your own, anywhere you want.” 

Ed removed his glasses, he pinched the bridge of his nose as his mind began coming back into focus. Back into the present where his friend thought he hated him. He placed his glasses back onto the bridge of his nose then made his way to the bed to sit beside his friend. Friend, was that all there was?

“Don’t, I don’t want to leave you.” 

Oswald stared at him, looked over him and through him. His lips were parted and his pupils blown, even after everything there was that look of first time love, of seeing somebody in a new light as a new person. Cautiously as if terrified of the consequences Oswald reached up to touch his fingers against Ed’s cheek. He let out a shaky sigh, a single tear scrolling down his cheek as his fingers touched against soft warm skin he never imagined he would be allowed to touch. 

“Ed I-I…” He let his hand drop back down to his lap, nervously tugging at his fingers as he averted his eyes.

Ed took hold of his right hand, “Love me?” He asked just needing to hear the words, needing to know that the weight of them was still most definitely there.

Wordlessly Oswald nodded, eyes fixed on the floor as if too scared to see Ed’s expression. Scared to see the same disgust and shock from so many months ago.

“It’s okay, look at me, please.”

“I’m sorry, I know what you said and I know that you don’t…..You made it very clear that you don’t love me back and that’s okay. I just can’t stop feeling this way about you, I’ve tried so hard to stop.” 

“I’m sorry. Oswald what I, what I did to you was wrong. I never should have hurt you, I can’t even begin to explain to you how much I regret what I did to you.” 

He didn’t respond, he simply stared down at his hands and quietly cried. Ed gingerly brushed the tears from his cheek with his thumb, Oswald closed his eyes leaning into the gentle loving touch. He wanted to tell him it was okay, that he was okay. He wanted to find poetic words and ways to explain to him that he loved him so much that it was driving him insane. He wanted to kiss him and to hold him, do all the things he spent his life utterly terrified to do. 

Yet the moment was fleeting.

Oswald abruptly stood from the bed wiping away his own tears with the back of his hand. Ed watched as he unsteadily made his way to the door, pausing with his hand on the door knob as if he wanted to turn and say something to inquire about the sudden change in Ed’s mindset. 

He wanted to get up and stop him from leaving, plead with him to understand something, something that he couldn’t even fully grasp. Instead he remained seated, he watched as Oswald slipped out the door quietly closing it behind him. The silence and loneliness engulfed him, he ran his fingers through his hair groaning in frustration.


	4. Chapter 4

Ed peeked around the corner double checking to make sure he had complete privacy before making his phone call. He paced the small room nervously tapping his fingers against the back of the phone he held in his hand, he impatiently muttered under his breath finding each distant ring bringing him more annoyance. A quick visit would have been much easier, but that would have involved a lie to Oswald and he wasn’t quire sure he could handle adding more lies to that ever growing and crumbling pile.

“What is it, Ed?” Barbara’s voice came over the line, harsh and impatient.

He sighed in relief, he ran his fingers back through his hair.

“I, do you still have some of those pills?” 

He attempted to sound casual, but his voice was shaky showing his desperation. He just needed them, he needed the warmth and the occasional hallucinations they caused, hallucinations that were much friendlier than his regular unmedicated ones.

“Didn’t I just give you a refill on those?”

He could hear the coy smile in her voice, she loved having the upper hand with him. He remembered before how it had felt like she was helping him, her mothering ways and her faux concern for his broken heart and damaged mind. He learned by now though that she’d only been using him, her intentions cold instead of warm.

“I just need a few, please.” 

He hated pleading, begging, especially when the person he was begging was Barbara Kean.

“You know I should probably cut you off, I doubt Ozzie would like it if he knew you were still on these. He does know, right?”

Ed rubbed his hand over his face, heart thumping in his chest.

“It’s none of his concern.” He responded coolly, he looked around the corner once more just to ensure his friend was nowhere in sight.

“Really, funny considering how tight you used to be, and that even now you still follow him around like a prized pet.” 

He tightened his grip on the phone, he could almost picture himself repeatedly striking her skull with a claw hammer. 

‘Easy Ed’ 

“Do you have more or not?”

She responded with laughter, the sound fake and condescending. 

“Hate you break it to you sweetie, but I stopped handing out free candy. To say that Ra’s isn’t overly fond of my side businesses and old habits would be an understatement.” 

He questioned if she was being truthful with him, but he’d met her new business partner and could easily believe he wouldn’t approve of her days of excess with drugs and alcohol. 

“Well thank you anyways I suppose.” He forced a smile, tone clipped and polite. He knew she wasn’t buying it, she knew that ever since thawing out something was different in him.

He ended the call before she could give a response, he already knew she would give some goodbye that held biting sarcasm in it. She was enjoying this and he hated her for it. He slipped his phone back into his pants pocket then sat down on the chase lounge. So much had happened while he had been frozen, it was quite incredible just how much could happen in a single year. The worst part was he understood he didn’t know everything and what he knew mostly came from Sophia and Barbara, even the woman who had only been in Gotham for a couple of months knew more than Ed did, and that drove him crazy. He was supposed to be the smartest person in the city, the person who knew more than anybody else, he was supposed to know the inner workings. 

Now he just remained in the dark. The same sort of darkness he’d been encased in for a year.

The approaching tapping of a cane against the hardwood floor drew his attention, he looked up to see Oswald walking by the room. It had been two days since their last conversation, since the awkward silence and the confused longing touching. He’d felt that night that perhaps it was an invitation, but now he was fearing it had been closure more than anything else.

Ed got up from his seat and followed the other man, he felt he should say something, or make some type of offering. He realized that he didn’t have anything worth while to offer though.

“Oswald”

The other stopped at the sound of his name, he turned to face his friend. Ed nervously fidgeted with his fingers, heart pounding in his chest as they looked at each other. He took note of how well Oswald was dressed, not abnormal of course, but he seemed somehow more exquisite than usual. Streaks of purple winding through well styled locks of black hair, a smoky eye look bringing out that cool intensity in his eyes. 

“Is, are you going somewhere?” 

‘Idiot’

“Yes, why do you ask?”

He felt he really had no right to ask, not anymore. He used to be able to inquire, Hell before he would be going along with him to whatever event he was off to.

“I-I just….I was wondering, you look handsome.” The compliment came out awkwardly, he felt more moronic than he normally did.

Faint blush colored Oswald’s cheeks, he glanced away as if unsure of how to respond to the compliment, if he should, or if he should even believe those words. Ed knew he had issues with his looks, with so many things about himself. He wasn’t sure that his friend really liked any part of himself, there was always something he didn’t deem good enough, perfect enough. Ed wanted to tell him that he was good enough, that he wasn’t lying about him being handsome, if anything the word was an understatement for what he felt when he looked at him.

“Thank you, I’m on my way to dinner.”

“Oh, with who?”

Oswald tapped his fingers against the handle of his cane, still he avoided looking at Ed. There was this awkwardness between them, one that Ed felt might have been there all along, but he was only lately acutely painfully aware of its presence.

“Sophia Falcone,” he finally answered, voice soft and unsure.

Finally, he looked back up at Ed, gauging his reaction, daring him to say something. Ed merely stared at him, he felt a sort of aching in his chest and he knew he was overreacting.

“Oh that’s….”

“It’s not a big deal, just….Just business.”

Not a full truth, not a blatant lie. That seemed to be the line they walked with each other these days, no lying, but no clear honesty either. 

Ed tensed when Oswald placed a hand on his shoulder, his touch warm and welcoming. He wished he could convince him to stay home with him, convince him he still had something worth offering. 

“I’ll try not to be out too late.” 

Oswald smiled sadly up at him, Ed felt a strange emptiness when Oswald pulled his hand away. He watched as he turned and left, left him standing in the hallway. 

‘Idiot’

Their conversation felt like closure, this felt like a full-on rejection.

Once Oswald was out of the mansion, Ed considered the stash of pills he had in his bedroom. Perhaps now would be a good time to slow down on his pill intake, turn to other forms of poison that humans relied on when feeling like dying.

He turned on the record player, melancholy music filling the room and flooding out into the rest of the first floor. He considered that he could have offered to tag along.

‘Tag along as you always do.’ 

He glanced towards the familiar figure that stood just out of the corner of his eye, turned away and made his way to his destination, the liquor cabinet. 

He opened the door looking over the over abundance of alcohol, it seemed never ending, each time a bottle was emptied it was miraculously replaced. At the moment he was the slightest bit grateful that his friend was the third in several generation of depressed alcoholics. Ed himself had never been quite that big of a fan of excessive drinking, he didn’t enjoy the slowness in his body and his mind.

‘You always have loved the pills though.’

He grabbed out a bottle of whiskey, closed the cabinet, and grabbed up a shot glass. He returned to the small sitting room, resuming his place where he’d been before Oswald had left. As he poured himself a drink he could feel eyes on him, his own eyes, judging yet amused by the scene unfolding. He downed the first shot visibly shuddering at the bitterness and the harsh burn. 

‘Guess we won’t ever compare to dad when it comes to drinking.’

Ed glanced up at the vision of himself, of who he wanted to be and feared to be. If it wasn’t for the nagging voice inside his head, if it wasn’t for that damned paranoia and obsession with proving himself then he wouldn’t be in this spot.

“This is your fault.” Ed stated gesturing towards his hallucination with the empty shot glass.

He poured himself another drink, downed it.

‘Really? That’s interesting considering that Penguin is the one who killed our girlfriend and lied about it.’

“We didn’t have to kill him, I mean….We could have-“ He took another drink, warmth pooled in his chest and stomach. “I could have given him a chance to talk.” He ended weakly.

He watched as his other self looked around the room then back down at him, he almost appeared to loom. Ed got the feeling that everybody was looming over him these days, looming, and judging.

‘How hard is it for you to be back in this place?’

“Don’t ask me questions when you know the answer.” He bit back.

A smug smiled played on the other’s face, he hummed to himself as he began pacing the room.

‘Every day having to sit and eat breakfast with the guy you shot, always getting glimpses of pictures of his father….You know the one whose corpse you tossed into a dumpster.’

Ed tensed, he downed another drink before deciding it might be easier just to drink from the bottle. 

“Stop it. I only did….I only did what I-“

‘What you thought you had to do, eye for an eye.’

It had sounded right at the time. He’d been terrified, hurt, and angry; he’d wanted Oswald to know what it felt like. He knew he could have stopped, he could have stopped before it all climaxed horrifically.

‘It’s still hilarious how he wanted to forgive you, apologize to you even. You can always say you’re the one person who could make the Penguin beg.’

Ed chose to ignore the remark. He tightened his grip on the neck of the bottle as he got up from his seat and unsteadily made his way out of the room. 

‘I wonder how long until he kicks you out on your ass and moves Sophia in, she’s a lot like you….Back before you know.’

“That girl is nothing like me, she’s a pale imitation of her father.” Ed yelled turning to glare at his other self.

‘She has Ozzie hooked though, I can feel that is getting under your skin. What are we doing here, just following him around helplessly?’

Ed fell silent, he had no response to that. No good reasoning. Why was he still there, why was he sitting in a home he did not belong in and waiting for somebody who was out with somebody else?

“What am I supposed to do?”

His other self rolled his eyes. ‘We could have some fun, get dressed up, go raise some Hell.’

Ed looked down at the bottle then back up at his hallucination. It had been awhile since the last time he’d committed any sort of crime; lately all he did was stick by Oswald’s side, following him from place to place and just hoping to get back in his good graces. Back by the side of somebody that might still love him or might have just needed a more proper way to say goodbye.

“Okay, let’s go.”


	5. Chapter 5

Ed woke with a god awful pain in his head. He rubbed his hands over his face groaning, shivering as he slowly brought himself up into a sitting position. It took a moment for him to adjust to the fact that he was alive and incredibly hungover. Vaguely he recalled the night before, he recalled the drinking and the misery, and the…

He jumped up from the bed, a sudden panic washing over him. He looked down at himself realizing he was in a different suit, one that was less muted darkened colors and more vibrant and garish in its shade of green. He pulled at his untucked white dress shirt, heart thudding against his rib cage as he saw the obscenely large blood stain, dried blood coated his hands as well. With shaking hands, he shrugged off his jacket then unbuttoned and removed his shirt. He balled up the desecrated garment and threw it to the ground glaring down at it in disgust. He knotted his fingers in his hair, breathing labored as he stared down at the shirt.

Last night….Last night.

Where did he let his other self take him last night?

He’d felt so hurt and angry, anger only fueled by the scorned feelings of his other self. He felt sick as a scenario conjured itself up within his mind, what if?

Ed turned and rushed towards the door, he swung it open and stared down towards Oswald’s room. The door stood open, nobody inside the almost too quiet bedroom. He next made his way downstairs, heart hammering and fear filling his entire being as he nearly tripped in his hurry to reach the first floor. 

The mansion was quiet, that still haunted quiet that had over taken it in the days after Ed had shot him, thrown him into the river as punishment for hurting him. 

He ran into the dining room pausing in the doorway, breath coming in heavy pants. He stared at the long table, at the head of it sat Oswald. The other man looked up from his breakfast, he seemed at a sudden loss for words as he stared up at Ed. In the back of his mind Ed knew he looked insane, he was shirtless, and blood soaked. It had to be a Hell of a sight and on a normal basis he would feel embarrassed. This wasn’t a normal basis though.

Slowly Oswald got up from his seat, he walked around the table, his movements cautious as he approached Ed who still stood in the doorway, clutching the door frame until his knuckles were white and his fingers ached. 

A paranoid struck him that maybe this wasn’t real, that Oswald wasn’t here or at least wasn’t alive. That he was dead, that this was just a dream and his blood was the blood that clung onto Ed’s flesh staining him as guilty for murdering his friend, the man he loved for a second time. The paranoia shattered the moment Oswald touched his shoulder, his skin warm and soft. Ed felt himself break, crumble into millions of pieces that he wasn’t sure ever were held together to begin with. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man, pulled his body flush against his own and hid his face against the side of his neck as sobs wracked his body. Oswald tensed in his embrace, surprised and confused by everything occurring in the moment. Ed let out a shaky sigh when his friend relaxed, returned his embrace and rubbed his hand along his back as if to calm and soothe his whirling mind.

“I’m sorry” Ed muttered against his neck, he closed his eyes tightly feeling as if the world was breaking apart and coming together all at once.

There was no worded response, just gentle shushing as fingers pet through Ed’s curled unruly hair.


	6. Chapter 6

Ed sat alarmingly still on the couch, he watched with slightly unfocused eyes as Oswald ran a warm wet cloth over his right hand and arm, watched as the blood began washing away only leaving lightened stains on his skin that felt as though they were a permanent marker. Oswald hummed to himself as he cleaned the blood from his skin, the sound was faint and distant just like the feeling of his touch and the cloth against his skin. 

“Who did you kill?” Oswald asked glancing up at him, there was no accusation or anger in his eyes, just a genuine curiosity.

He’d nearly forgotten that was what they did, who they were, they were murderers. Oswald killed a woman’s children and fed them to her, he’d done horrific things to people in the name of business and revenge. Ed himself had done things that once upon a time sickened and scared him, but after some acceptance only brought him a sick sense of glee. So why didn’t he feel that giddiness now, he felt the way he had right after killing Ms. Kringle.

“I-I don’t know. I had been drinking and then I…” He stopped himself before bringing up ‘him’, he always feared Oswald’s opinion of him would drop lower than it already had to be if he knew Ed hallucinated and blacked out.

Oswald looked at him curiously, he looked over him as if contemplating then realizing some truth, and for a moment Ed feared he knew. 

‘Back to the looney bin Eddie.’

Ed looked away, cheeks flushing. 

Oswald set the cloth to the side, he took hold of Ed’s hands giving them a gentle reassuring squeeze.

“Don’t worry about what happened.” He assured.

“Aren’t you mad?”

The question caught him by surprise, he looked confused. 

“Of course not, Ed we kill people…. Admittedly you’ve rarely shown yourself to be the most discreet person on Earth about it, but I do admire the passion you put into it…. Sometimes.” He smiled, his smile meant to reassure and comfort, but Ed could see that lingering sadness and he remembered there had to be a scar both physical and mental.

“I-I don’t know what happened, when I woke up this morning I just…..I got scared.” 

He felt like a child, full of ridiculous fears and boogeymen haunting the corners of his mind. He’d been so certain and so terrified that he’d killed his friend, that his jealousy fueled by his other side’s blood lust had just culminated into his worst fear.

“There’s no reason to be scared and even if the cops find whoever you killed there’s no issue there, remember I run the city.” There was a knowing smile, a light in his eyes as he spoke.

Ed knew it excited him being in control again, the permits he handed out for a fee.

Oswald carefully got to his feet, he placed a hand against Ed’s shoulder. 

“I’ll handle everything,” he whispered as he leaned down pressing a kiss against the top of his head, a mothering gesture. 

When he began to step away Ed reached out for him, his grip gentle and unsure as he held his wrist. Oswald stilled, looked down at him as if he were a mystery he still was working to solve.

“Can you sit with me for a while, please?” There was a gentle pleading in his voice.

He knew that Oswald owed him nothing, he never did. From the moment they had met this man owed him not a damned thing, in their current situation Oswald held all the dominance and power. Something that filled Ed with paranoid dread and excitement all at once, he found himself craving that, giving all control over to this man. 

Oswald seated himself by his side, the space that he normally kept between them was painfully absent. Now he was right against his side, he could feel his warmth and smell his cologne. Ed looked at him, studying him as if he were seeing him for the first time. That was how it always felt anymore, how it had always been.

“C-can I, can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

Ed swallowed hard, he nervously fidgeted with his fingers already damning himself for the ridiculous question he was going to ask.

‘Now you’re the one with the crush, how pitiful.’

“You and…..You and Sophia Falcone, are you two….Are you dating?” The question tumbled out awkwardly, he blushed feeling like an idiot. 

He waited to be yelled at, to be told it was none of his business. It was none of his business.

“Ed, we’ve been over this….”

“You don’t have to lie, if you’re with her then….I’m happy for you.”

‘God, you suck at lying.’

Oswald placed a hand against his cheek gently urging him to look at him, Ed looked at him, he felt anxious and guilty all at once. The way that Oswald was looking at him was so familiar, not even the ghost of a look or the ghost of an emotion, it was there tangible and real.

“I’m not interested in her or any other woman for that matter.” He gently stroked his fingers against Ed’s cheek, his touch loving as he touched along his jawline. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He swallowed hard, tears burning in his eyes, he had the urge to look away, but he couldn’t. Not when he was touching him so lovingly, looking at him the way he used to so many nights and months ago.

“I-Oswald I….I love you.” Tears rolled down his cheeks, he let out a choked laugh realizing how stupid and ridiculous this was, how ridiculous he was. He’d had weeks in the past to tell him, to return some form of affection and sentiment. Instead he’d ignored the feeling, ignored the way his friend looked at him and touched him, acted surprised when he found out Oswald loved him, because who could ever love him. “I love you and I know it’s ridiculous, I know that what I did to you….The Hell that I’ve put you through that I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve anything from you.”

The silence that followed was murder in of itself. He could see the war waging inside the other man’s head, a war of head and heart trying to figure out what was the best course of action. If it was worth the risk, if it was worth going through more torturous hell or not. Ed wished he could promise it would never hurt again, that he’d never hurt him again, but he couldn’t.

‘You always hurt them.’

“Ed,” the way he spoke his name was soft and broken, his own emotional breaking point obviously approaching.

“I’m sorry, I know it doesn’t make anything better.”

Oswald closed his eyes, he breathed deeply as if steeling himself. “You’re right, it doesn’t make anything better. It doesn’t erase the things you did to me, the things you said to me, or even what I did to you.”

There was no venom to his words, no malice or hatred. Even the way he looked at him wasn’t hateful or hurt, he just looked as if he were trying to find one logical reason for this to work, for there to be a chance at something that could once more end in dug up graves and bullet wounds.

“I want to make up for everything or at least the things I can. I-I don’t know what I can do or say to help, to make anything better. I’m sorry that I hurt you, I swear if I could change things then I would.”

His words felt empty, he almost wanted a violent response just to make himself shut up, to make himself stop saying things that meant nothing in the long run.

Oswald gently brushed his fingers through Ed’s hair, he looked at him as if he were reading him, trying to figure out who and what he was. 

“When these thugs who got hold of the fear toxin showed up at the Lounge awhile back, back when you were still frozen. When they doused me with it….I saw you.” 

“So, I’m your greatest fear then?” 

“I don’t know, you just….It was you, but it wasn’t you. Just like that day at the docks when you shot me, I didn’t see you, I didn’t see the man I love.” 

Oswald’s fingers brushed against the back of Ed’s neck, the gentle touch making him sigh.

“I never wanted you to be scared of me.”

“I’m not scared now.”

Cautiously Ed reached up placing a hand against his cheek, Oswald leaned into his touch. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Then don’t.”

Such a simple statement, such a simple idea that he could just not hurt him. That he could love him with ease and take care of him, treat him the way that he deserved to be treated.

Ed leaned in until his lips were just barely brushing against his, he could nearly hear his heart pounding. Oswald pressed his lips to his kissing him, his fingers curling against the back of his neck as he kept him close, the kiss deepening and becoming something full of need and longing. Ed placed a hand against his side, thumb brushing against his shirt.   
There was a sort of high in finally kissing him, his tongue stroking along his bottom lip before pressing into the warm confines of his mouth. Reading him with his hands, his touches slow and careful as if terrified to break this moment, for it to shatter like glass only to reveal it wasn’t real. He shivered when Oswald moaned into the kiss, the sound vibrating through him. Ed’s own moans lost in their passion as Oswald’s blunt nails scratched against his scalp. 

When the kiss ended they remained close, still touching as if to ground themselves to the moment, to each other. Oswald pressed a kiss against his jaw, lips lingering against his skin, his eyes closed as he lost himself to the sensation. He felt the other man’s hands tentatively touch along his bare chest, his touch unsure of what would be okay. Ed curled his fingers in his hair, head tilting to the side, he groaned as he felt Oswald suck against the spot right behind his ear. His moans were soft and needy as his partner flicked his tongue against his earlobe before gently sucking on it. He felt so much pleasure and conflicting emotion, left feeling almost too much by the time Oswald pulled away, sitting there staring at him with his lips kiss bruised and parted, pupils blown. 

Ed craved to touch him more, to feel him, and take him. He wanted to find the words for what he felt, what he felt for him, and what he wanted with him. If he could actually give him his erratically beating heart, then he would. 

Oswald took hold of his hand lacing their fingers together, the gesture intimate and sweet. He began to wonder if words would ruin this, ruin whatever spot they found themselves in. Ed pressed a kiss against his cheek before leaning back against the couch, he pulled the other man down against him. Oswald settled against him, head resting against his shoulder as he stared down at their still joined hands. There was a silence full of questions, full of resolutions not found, but Ed felt he had a piece of himself back for the mean time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates, work has been the slightest bit hectic, but will be trying to update more regularly. :)

Ed sat on the side of the bed watching Oswald get ready with casual interest. He couldn’t help but realize perhaps there was something the slightest bit abnormal about how comfortable they could be with each other in moments most would deem private. Oswald for quite some time in the course of their friendship had had no real qualms about Ed being present while he dressed and undressed, Ed himself most times had no straying thoughts, just simply enjoyed the extra quality time with his dear friend. He remembered how clinical he’d been the night he’d found Oswald in the woods and taken him back to his apartment, he’d had several minutes of debate with himself on undressing him, but his clothes had been blood soaked and caked with mud, Ed hadn’t wanted that much dirt and blood staining his bedding. He’d of course back then immediately gone into examination mode, looking at and guessing the cause of each scar and wound, momentarily fascinated by the mangled state of his leg, but then a cough from the unconscious man had startled him reminding him he wasn’t a cadaver but was indeed very alive and potentially quite lethal.

Now two years later they had something almost companionable again. Ed hummed feeling at ease, gaze fixed on his friend who now stood before the full-length mirror looking over himself. Ed noted how much and how little his aesthetic had changed, he even had to admit he rather adored the times Oswald styled his hair into a faux mohawk, the purple streaks adding something extra to his hair. He was especially fond of the new leather obsession Oswald seemed to have, he found himself easily distracted seeing him without a jacket, his well fitted black dress shirt with the leather straps around the biceps. Ed wondered often why he changed his style so drastically, when it happened, and the why. He made a note to ask, but then realized that might be weird.

Oswald turned to face him, smiling softly as he approached the other man. He stopped just in front of him, legs almost touching Ed’s knees. The way he looked down at him was an odd sense of predatory mixed with affection, Ed felt lost to the conflicting feelings. Oswald placed his hand against his cheek, lightly caressing his skin, Ed leaned into his touch. He placed his hand against the back of Oswald’s, he turned his head pressing a kiss to the palm of his hand then the exposed skin of his wrist. He glanced up at him with half-lidded eyes pleased to see his lips parted and his stare fixed on him and nothing else.

“You look incredible.” Ed whispered before pressing another kiss against his wrist.

Oswald blushed faintly, he shook his head and cleared his throat before taking a step back as if awakening from some lust filled trance. It had been two days since their conversation and heated kissing, Ed felt things were improving, but still felt rather lost as to where they were in terms of friendship and partnership. He wanted to say he was fine if they were just friends, if Oswald didn’t want him in a romantic sense, but he would be lying.

“So, will you be joining me tonight?” He asked brushing off Ed’s compliment completely, not unusual, he’d never been good with taking compliments, he never seemed to trust them.

“Yes, of course if that’s alright with you.”

It was a strange transition going from being his shadow to just living his own life almost completely separate from his friend’s.

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well….You just always seem to keep to yourself when it comes to your business and your affairs, not that there’s an issue with that, but it’s just an adjustment I suppose.” 

Ed nervously adjusted his glasses, he wanted to seem fine with it, but it bugged him. Oswald was a book he used to know inside and out, ever since finding out his friend was in love with him he’d been able to read him less and less. It had gotten to the point that sometimes he felt he’d been misreading him for the past two years, a thought that scared him.

Oswald regarded him coolly, Ed knew enough to know he was hiding something or at least hiding himself.

“It’s an adjustment for me as well, but I would like it if you did become more involved in my life again.” He spoke carefully, averting his eyes as if unsure of his words.

Ed realized how awkward it all was for him; how awkward this was. To some extent Oswald finally had what he wanted, he had the man he’d been in love with, had him in any way he could ever desire him, but this wasn’t the way he’d wanted things to go. He’d wanted flowers and candle light dinners, he’d wanted gentle affection and to just feel wanted.

‘You shot him and he made out with you on the couch in return, seems pretty easy to me.’

“I would like that, I really do want us to try and get things back to the way they were.” Ed said as he stood up.

Oswald smiled fondly as he looked up at him. “I don’t think we could ever recapture that, but….I’m curious about what we have now, what we can have.”

He placed his hand against Ed’s arm, his grip firm yet gentle. “I love you,” he whispered before leaning up and kissing him gently.

Ed placed a hand against the back of his neck, he leaned down to accommodate for the difference in their height. He felt that sense of completion again as they kissed, the soft warm brush of his lips against his, hands curiously exploring trying to memorize every inch of him even through his clothes.

“I love you too,” he whispered against his lips returning the sentiment, knowing how important these words to Oswald.

This wasn’t perfect or soft or the dream that he knew his friend had had and he’d do anything to go back there and just give him that, but he wanted to make something new that still worked.

Oswald took hold of his hand, Ed dutifully followed him out of the room. At least he was back in the loop in terms of his friend’s life.


	8. Chapter 8

There was something off about the Iceberg Lounge when it was closed, or at least to Ed there was something off. No loud music sending minor vibrations through the glossy black tiled floor, no bodies filling the room, some moving to the music while others gathered at the bar ordering over priced drinks. Ed felt an unease following Oswald through the main part of the building, he looked up at the umbrellas that hung upside down from the ceiling, he felt a shiver go down his spine as he looked at the platform in the middle of the club, his previous place of residence. It still stood empty, a strong feeling of absence to the spot, white candles circled the edges of the platform. It reminded Ed of those shrines mourners placed on the side of the road to mark where a loved one had died in a hit and run or the shrines set up to remember a long missing child from a nice neighborhood. Something was missing, somebody had died.

“Oswald, I was starting to worry about you.” 

Ed looked to see Sophia getting up from one of the faux leather seats; her curly black hair laid over her shoulders, her bright red lipstick drawing attention to her full lips. Ed had to begrudgingly admit she was quite an attractive woman, she oozed a certain danger and power as well as a faux hint of sincerity and kindliness. In a sense she reminded him of Oswald, a thought that made him feel strange. Ed stood in place watching as Oswald approached her, his face lighting up as he saw her. Oswald hugged her, pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“How are you my dear?” He asked stepping back, hands on her arms as he looked over her.

She patted his cheek and Ed couldn’t help but wonder what all changes had occurred in those months, in that year. Oswald was always quite stand offish and vague when it came to his friendship with Ms. Falcone, with why he trusted her so heavily, trusted her in the ways that he used to trust him. Their friendship had taken so much time and effort and Ed proving himself to him, but for her it had taken only a handful of months to worm her way under his skin, making a home for herself there, her hand clutching his heart.

‘They aren’t having sex, why are you still so jealous Eddie?’

“I’m doing fine, the cops of course still aren’t thrilled that I’m here.” 

“Anymore trouble with Gordon?” Oswald inquired, a certain edge to his voice.

Ed had heard Jim wasn’t dealing well with the shift in power. With a new meek mayor who easily bent to the will and demand of Penguin, the city succumbed under the control of mobsters in no time. Ed knew Gotham well enough to know without asking that a majority of the citizens had no qualms with the fact that mobsters were in charge, that a man all in black was writing out permission slips to let robberies and the occasional murder occur.

“Just the usual,” She made her way towards the bar, heels tapping rhythmically against the floor. Ed watched as she poured herself a drink, she held the bottle of whiskey up giving it a bit of a shake as she looked at Oswald, he nodded as he approached the bar seating himself on one of the bar stools. Ed felt like a ghost. “He keeps threatening to send me back down to Florida, to no avail of course.” 

Oswald scoffed, “I don’t know what his problem is.”

“Too many mobsters under his watch, it’s making him look bad. I was thinking about what we were talking about before….Have you thought more about it?” There was a change in her demeanor and tone, Ed moved closer trying to read her.

Oswald was quiet, he looked down at his glass before downing it. There was nearly a sense of mourning in the room and Ed felt like he was an outsider looking in.

“I have, I give you my blessing, but nothing happens without me knowing about it. I want to be part of your plan just to ensure everything goes well, I of course do trust you.” 

A small smile tugged at her lips, she leaned across the bar pressing a kiss to his cheek, she mouthed a thank you before downing her own drink.

Again, Ed felt a strange weight in his chest, he curled his fingers against the palm of his hand scratching at his skin. He stood awkwardly, watching them chat and drink, their conversation going from serious to mundane and casual. Ed wondered why he was even allowed to be here, he was still an outsider, brought to his place of burial. Since he was being ignored he decided to observe his surroundings, he still clearly remembered the fear he’d felt after being thawed out and coming back to this place for the first time. Despite the gun he’d held in his hand and his determination to finish something he couldn’t before, he’d been scared, he’d felt off kilter and like a frightened child who wanted nothing more than to run and hide in his closet.

Now he was back. Initially in the days of mending their relationship Ed had assumed Oswald didn’t want him here, because this was his terf and he still didn’t trust him. After some time though he’d finally recognized that the ban was due to a sense of guilt and shame, the way Oswald would often avert his gaze when telling him he’d be going to the Lounge or informing him that he still couldn’t tag along. There was a morbid sense of ease knowing that in some way Oswald regretted his decisions the way that Ed regretted his, but even beneath all the hurt and anger Ed had to give that Oswald was to some extent in the right.

‘Though you still wish he’d just killed us.’

Ed ran his fingers along the surface of the ink black platform, the vacant space that used to be occupied by himself. He’d heard through connections that Oswald had made up a story that he’d been sick, that he’d begged him to freeze him until they could find a cure for his mysterious condition that was causing his previous behaviors. Ed smiled to himself, maybe Oswald knew more than he let on. 

The clicking of heels, the sound approaching. Sophia patted his shoulder as she passed him by, she looked back at him smiling sweetly, he loathed he couldn’t read her. She wore a mask to prevent him from seeing what she really felt, what she was thinking, it made him uncomfortable not knowing how fake or real she was. He watched as she exited the building, a sense of relief filled him knowing it was just him and Oswald now.

He turned towards his friend making his way to him. 

“I don’t trust her.” Ed stated plainly.

Oswald hummed to himself as if in consideration of Ed’s statement, but he knew if anything he was just humoring him.

“She has a Hell of a poker face, doesn’t she?”

Ed narrowed his eyes at him, he felt like he was fumbling in the dark desperately searching for the light switch. “What’s going on?”

Oswald slid off the bar stool, he placed a hand against Ed’s chest as he stared up at him. 

“I need you to do me a small favor, nothing too insane or demanding, but it’s very important to me.”

“Sure, I at least owe you small favors.”

Oswald leaned up kissing him gently, he whispered a soft ‘thank you’ against his lips. 

The moment ended shortly after Sophia re-entered the building, Oswald gave him one more chaste kiss before stepping past him. Ed turned to see what was going on, he saw Sophia entering the building except this time with a small boy walking by her side. The boy had to be no more than ten, he was scrawny and rather pale, a mop of curly brown hair on his head, what appeared to be a notepad on a black string hung around his neck. The boy’s brown eyes lit up when he saw Oswald, he smiled as he left Sophia’s side and rushed towards the man. Oswald crouched down holding his arms open for him. Ed watched as the boy hugged him tightly, Oswald kissed the top of his head.

“There you are, how are you doing my boy?” 

Ed watched as the child began scribbling on the notepad, turning it so Oswald could see the message he wrote. It was safe to assume he was mute, Ed wondered if he was born mute, selectively mute, or something had happened to him. He mostly wondered though why this child was here and why Oswald was looking at him like a proud father.

Oswald stood, he placed his hand on the boy’s shoulder as he turned his attention back to Ed. 

“Ed, this is Martin, Martin this is Ed.” 

The boy apparently named Martin gave a small wave as he looked at Ed. Ed smiled awkwardly, still confused as to what was going on and the why.

“Son of a client?” Ed asked feeling rather lost and stupid.

Sophia laughed, “You didn’t tell him?”

There was a temporary look of guilt on Oswald’s face as he cleared his throat.

“I was going to, I just didn’t know how to or the right time for that matter.”

“Tell me what, whose kid is this?” 

“Well….Martin here is actually an orphan, but if things go correctly then I’m hoping I can adopt him soon.” Oswald said as he pet his fingers through the boy’s hair, he looked down at him smiling fondly.

Ed felt more lost than normal. Oswald as a father, not that there was anything wrong with that and at the moment it was rather easy to picture him as a father. He fit into the role perfectly, Ed never imagined that his friend would be a father, that it was something he would even want. Considering their lifestyle, their constant high chance of death and arrest.

“Oh”

“I was, the favor I was going to ask….I was hoping that perhaps you could watch him for a bit today. I have some business to attend to and it’d be a good chance for you to get to know him.” Oswald spoke quickly, Ed at the least could read that he was nervous, that he was thinking that keeping this a secret for god knows how long was a bad idea, that perhaps he should have just told him about this.

Who was he? Ed couldn’t even say that he was mad, just confused. He felt as if he didn’t know Oswald anymore, that his friend was a complete and utter stranger to him in some way, the man he’d known last year, the man from the docks was mostly dead and now stood somebody new. Somebody confident, somebody cunning, and somebody who had a son. It felt like catching up with an old high school friend years later, coming to find out they married and had children while Ed was left just on his own, struggling to find his own self.

“Sure, I don’t mind doing this for you.” Ed replied, he forced a smile wanting so badly to appear find with this.

He couldn’t help but just feel hurt.


	9. Chapter 9

Ed leaned back against the desk in Oswald’s office, he chewed on his thumb nail as he stared downward, foot tapping nervously against the floor. Finally, he ceased in his chewing, he pointed his index finger upward as he stepped forward.

“Did he at least mention my name, just once in passing?” He asked, exasperated as he looked at Martin who sat in a rather over sized chair in front of him.

The boy shook his head no, curls of hair bouncing and falling over his face.

Ed sighed heavily, he began pacing, nail chewing resuming. He stopped when he felt a tug on his jacket, he looked down to see Martin standing behind him, he was holding his notepad up for him to see.

‘He never said your name, but he used to talk about a friend who hurt him really badly.’

“So, you’re assuming I’m that friend?”

The boy shrugged, he turned his attention back to his notepad writing out a new note. ‘Are you?’

“Look kid things are….Things happened and besides he was the one who started it, none of this would have happened if he’d just….” Ed stopped himself, he removed his glasses before running his hand down over his face groaning in frustration.

Martin was still watching him, as if studying him. He looked at him with the same curiosity that Oswald did, that look that made Ed feel like a new species of animal shoved into a zoo, there to be gawked at and questioned. 

“He didn’t have to put me on ice anyways, let alone put me on display like some sort of…of I don’t even know what.”

‘He doesn’t seem mad now.’

Ed leaned back against the desk again. “I suppose you’re right….We have been working on things, but I still feel like something’s wrong.” 

He looked around the room before looking back to the ten-year-old who was watching him, he came to the full realization he was complaining about his personal life to a literal child. 

“So, what do you think about Ms. Falcone?”

‘She’s really nice, she likes Oswald a lot.’

Ed forced a smile, he seated himself on the edge of the desk.

“Really?”

He nodded in response.

“When you say like do you mean like like?”

Martin stared at him for awhile as if considering answering that or not before he began writing his response. ‘I think she wants to date him, but I don’t think he feels the same.’

Ed sighed in relief, he tapped his fingers against the desk. “Good….I mean not like it’s really my business or that I should care.”

Martin continued staring at him, Ed had the distinct feeling the kid was analyzing him and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. 

“You know these conversations would be a lot easier if you knew sign language.” Ed looked at the clock that hung upon the wall, he figured he had enough time he could teach Martin some basics.


	10. Chapter 10

“So, what did you think of him?” Oswald inquired, he stared out the car window watching the passing shops and people.

Ed stared at him, studied him as he found himself typically doing. He knew the him in question was Martin and the shallow surface level answer was that he liked the kid, he was smart and quite polite, he picked up on things quickly a lot like Ed as a child.

“He’s very smart, how exactly did you happen upon him?” He asked making a vague sweeping gesture with his hand.

Oswald turned his head to look in his direction, eyebrow raised as he picked up on his friend’s frustration and anxiety, they both could feel the wall between them.

“Well I happened to be at the orphanage talking to Sophia, she ran out, and I’d seen Martin outside with the other children. They were bullying him, it reminded me of myself when I’d been his age…..Then I saw him pour gasoline on their backpacks and go to start a fire, which also reminded me of myself.” He explained, a fond proud father smile on his face. For the first time in a long time Oswald looked genuinely happy, Ed knew this was the same sort of easy happiness he had to have felt when his parents had been alive.

Ed chuckled. “So, he likes arson?”

The other man hummed and nodded, “I try to teach him how to properly use a knife sometimes, when Sophia isn’t around of course. She isn’t entirely approving of him handling sharp objects, but God he learns fast.” He paused for a moment, smile fading. “He reminds me of you in a way.” He whispered, still looking at him.

Ed shifted in his seat, he knew maybe it was a compliment, but all it made him want to do was apologize to Martin. He never really wished for anybody to be like himself, as much as Ed long ago had wanted to start a family of his own, he’d always feared his children being like him.

‘Daddy’s little monster.’

“How so?”

“Smart, devious….He of course is very polite….I’ve been considering something lately, putting him in my will. I know he’s only ten, but if something happened to me, I know in time he’d do a Hell of a job running everything.”

Ed furrowed his brow, he felt this odd sort of panic thinking about Oswald dying. After so many almost deaths he’d forgotten that in fact the other man could die, he wasn’t immortal, just stubborn and lucky.

“Do you plan on dying soon?” Ed joked, he laughed, but the sound was empty and awkward. His fingers tingled, and his heart felt tight in his chest, there was a waiting fear, was there something he didn’t know?

Oswald looked at him, he smiled softly before scooting closer to him, closing the normally kept space between them when they were in the car. 

“We aren’t Gods, you know?” 

Ed wanted to question him, he wanted to force him to go to the hospital to see a doctor, to make sure he was okay, that he wasn’t hiding anything else from him. Instead Oswald kissed him, fingers curling in his hair giving a slight tug as he bit at his bottom lip. Ed gave into the olive branch of intimacy, hands immediately reaching to touch him, roaming over his clothed chest and stopping just above his abdomen where he knew there was an unholy scar. 

Despite how much he didn’t want to, he broke the kiss. “What aren’t you telling me?” He asked, voice rough.

Oswald stared at him, he looked frustrated that he couldn’t just shut down the other man’s questioning. “People are always trying to kill me, you know that better than anybody else. One of these days, sooner or later somebody is going to succeed in doing that, and I want to be prepared for that.”

He swallowed, nodded before kissing him again. He knew that Oswald had to wonder why the Hell he cared so much, why his life mattered so deeply all the sudden. Once upon a time Ed would have taken a bullet for him, would have happily been tortured to the death for him, but now as far as Oswald was concerned, Ed would be the one doing the torturing to him. He hated putting him in this place, plunging him into darkness. He kissed him passionately, scratched his nails against the back of his neck and placed his free hand against his lower back pulling him closer until the smaller man was situated on his lap with his hands pressed against his chest feeling his pounding heart. Ed wanted to communicate through kissing and touching that he craved him and loved him, that he would die for him in a heartbeat.

‘By Christmas we could have his head on the mantel.’

The car came to a stop and with it the kiss did as well. Oswald removed himself from Ed’s lap, he exited the car not even waiting for Ed to follow him up the walk to the front door of the mansion. Instead Ed sat in the car, disheveled, heart racing, and feeling oddly light headed. He watched him as he walked away and once again he felt both literally and metaphorically left behind.


	11. Chapter 11

Once more he found himself locked away in his room. At random he selected a bottle, took two of the pills inside then looked down at his watch, the small golden hands of the watch indicated that it was well after one in the morning. He looked towards the bedroom window, outside he could see a large dying tree, a crow settled upon a branch, it tilted its head to the side and watched him. Ed wondered if it knew, if animals could sense when there was something utterly wrong and broken with a human being. He approached the window, opened it and leaned out a bit. He sighed as he felt the cold wind go through his hair, brush against his skin like gentle loving fingers. He reached out towards the bird, it hopped just the slightest bit closer to him nearly touching his outstretched hand, he curled and uncurled his fingers wanting to touch the bird, wanting to know it was real.

He let out a relieved laugh when it hopped onto his hand, it looked down at its new perch surveying it, surely realizing that this new branch was soft and warm, in no way felt like wood. The crow looked back up at Ed, stared into his eyes, it cawed at him before moving to rest upon his bare forearm. Ed was cold, leaning out a window while wearing a thin tank top was not a brilliant idea, but his head was fuzzy and he knew sooner or later he wouldn’t be here anymore.

“Pretty boy.” He sweetly whispered to the bird.

Slowly he pulled back, his bedroom was dimly lit and muggy compared to the outside. The bird was still on his arm, a second later it moved to perch on his shoulder. He knew it was studying him, he was a new discovery as far as the bird was concerned and it was determined to learn all it could about him.

“You could live with us, I know a guy, I think he’d like you.” He told the bird, he laughed shaking his head.

‘Do you remember when we were a kid, we would collect little animals and take them home?’

Ed ignored his other self to the best of his ability. He kept his focus on his new friend.

‘We would keep them in our room, we would spend our allowance getting cages and feed. We had that bunny that we named Herbert.’

Ed clenched and unclenched his fists, he broke out into a cold sweat knowing where Riddler was going with this.

“Stop it,” he hissed, he glared up at him.

Riddler stood in his gleaming green suit, the glitter glowing almost as brightly as his perfectly straight white teeth.

‘Remember that one day we came home from school, dad was on the couch drinking and watching Home Improvement. We went back to our room excited to spend the evening with our furry friends.’

“Enough!” He yelled, voice echoing in the room, the darkness felt overwhelming.

The crow startled by the sudden loudness flew from its place to land on the dresser, feathers ruffled as it stared at Ed, the bird was obviously offended.

Riddler chuckled looking from the bird then back at Ed, he pointed a black gloved finger back towards the bird. ‘You know, he reminds me of a certain birdie of ours…’

“Why are you here?”

‘You sure do take a lot of those pills, it’s almost like you’re trying to kill us.’

Ed got up from the bed, he went straight back to his stash of pills, began looking through bottle after bottle, grabbed one out and took out a pill.

“I’m trying to kill you.”

Riddler placed a hand against his own chest, he stared at Ed with mock shock. ‘Me? Eddie, we’ve known each other for such a long time….Remember the first time that you saw me?’

Ed threw the bottle back into the drawer before slamming it shut, he turned on his heel and approached the other man, the man who was not real. All in his head, none of this was real. This room was real, the bird was real and the blood was real.

Ed looked down at his arms, he saw the blood seeping out of wounds on his arms, Riddler laughed.

‘You don’t even remember scratching yourself do you?’

Ed looked up at him, fear and rage filling him. When did he do this to himself?

“What did you to do me?” 

‘Don’t look at me, I didn’t do that, you did that. The last thing I want to do is wreck our body, you made me to handle the things that you’re too weak to handle.’

Ed placed his hands over his ears wanting to drown out Riddler’s voice, his words, but they were his own words. Words leaving his own mouth.

“Idiot!” He yelled to himself.

‘Just let me in Ed, if you let me take the wheel for a few hours I swear on mom’s grave that we’ll have a Hell of a time.’

The last thing Ed remembered was hitting the floor with a heavy thud.


	12. Chapter 12

“Hey, wake up.” 

Ed whined in pain when a hard kick was delivered to his side, he opened his eyes momentarily blinded by the sun. He groaned as he lifted his hand to shade his eyes from the glaring natural light, he could just make out the figure of a man who wore a knitted cap and a coat littered with holes. Ed realized he wasn’t in bed, he was laying on hard concrete.

“Get out of here, this is my spot.” The man complained, he pulled his leg back as if ready to deliver another kick.

Ed held his hand out in defense as he moved to get up from the ground. “I’m going, just stop kicking me.” 

He stumbled past the man, he could feel his eyes on him, the man wanting to be sure that Ed really was leaving his supposed spot. Ed clutched the sides of his head, a throbbing echoing pain filling his skull as he stumbled down the sidewalk. His memory was spotty, he remembered the pills, and he remembered hitting the floor.

‘Please stop, why are you doing this? Where is she, where’s Maya?’ The memory of a frantic voice echoed in his brain, the voice lost to darkness, he couldn’t see the owner of the voice. 

“What did we do?” He muttered to himself as he stumbled down an alleyway already knowing he should be far from the prying eyes of people. 

He leaned back against the brick wall of a building and looked down at his hands. They were stained in blood as well as his shirt and his vibrant green jacket. He felt that surge of panic, breathing labored before hysterical laughter erupted from him. Tears stung his eyes as he doubled over, glasses falling off the bridge of his nose and falling to the ground, lenses cracking as they hit the rough concrete. His vision blurred he continued to laugh until it turned to gross sobbing. Ed fell to his knees. He closed his eyes tightly silently begging to see what happened, what he did, what they did.

Did he want to know?

He reached into his pocket fishing out his cell phone, he flipped it open seeing that he had twelve voice messages waiting for him.

“Oh dear”

He knew without going into his inbox that they were all from Oswald. It was close to noon and he’d been missing from home since one in the morning. His movements were mechanical as he clicked play, held the phone up to his ear and listened to the cascade of messages.

“Ed, where the Hell are you? I went into your room and you weren’t there, all I found was….A bird, why is there a bird in your room?”

He leaned his head back against the wall, the first handful of messages were the same. Just Oswald trying to sound kept together, pretending that he wasn’t on the verge of having a complete fit. Ed could tell he was scared, he knew there were a million fears going through his mind, it wasn’t until the sixth message that those fears came bursting through the surface like a person combusting into flames.

“Ed….Whatever the Hell is going on I need to know…..God dammit. If you, if you’re plotting against me I swear to God I will find you. I’m not letting you shoot me again, I worked hard for this, for what I have.” There was a long pause, despite the raised tone of his voice and the obvious anger there was a crack in his voice. Ed felt he might be crying or on the verge of it, he could almost picture him pointing at nothing while silent tears ran down his cheeks. Oswald seemed to prefer crying over him when he couldn’t see. “If you try anything to hurt me your head will join Grace’s, understand?”

Ed closed his phone, he let out a heavy sigh as he gently hit his head against the brick wall, the dull pain rather pleasant at the moment. He hissed as he felt a sudden pain in his right forearm. He removed his jacket tossing it to the side before rolling up the sleeve of his dress shirt. His heart pounded in his chest as he stared down at his arm, scared and fixated.

‘You think you need me, when I’m gone you miss me, but in time you’ll replace me. What am I?’ Was crudely tattooed on his arm. The skin around the black ink was red, he lightly ran his fingers along the slightly raised skin. 

“Really, you tattooed us?” He asked to no one in particular, only to himself. To the parts of himself that scared him, what did they do?

“I should call Oswald, let him know I’m not trying to kill him.” He spoke aloud as he got his phone out again.

He felt a slight dread as he called him, he knew there were multiple moods that Oswald could be in when he answered, none of them were good. He was less than surprised when he answered halfway through the second ring.

“Ed, what’s going on, where are you?” His voice was frantic, shaky. He knew he’d been crying, because of him, always because of him.

“I’m sorry, I’m heading home….I’ll see you soon.” He ended the call before Oswald could reply.

He didn’t want to converse, he didn’t want to try and explain himself over the phone when even he himself was utterly lost as to his current situation. 

He felt too exhausted to really care if people saw him in his current state, they knew who he was, what he was. It was Gotham after all, men standing around in blood stained suits wasn’t too unusual, especially if that man was the Riddler. The cop killer, the man who dismembered his first girlfriend, framed Gordon, attempted to murder the mayor, and of recently had been the spectacle that everybody gathered to gawk at courtesy of the Iceberg Lounge. 

He was the slightest bit surprised when he could get a taxi to stop for him. The driver looked nervous as he watched Ed climb into the backseat of the car, he eyed his suspiciously as if wondering if it was worth the risk to call the police. Ed reached into his pocket fishing out his wallet.

“If I pay you an extra two-hundred would you mind taking me to the VanDahl estate and pretending you didn’t see me, just in case anybody ask.” 

The man nodded, Ed handed him the money. He felt more at ease when the driver stopped staring at him and focused on the street, more than likely wanting to end this ride as quickly as possible. Ed was more than fine with that. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, he struggled to remember what he had done, what they had done. Ed knew for himself that he was coming apart at the seams, he was unraveling and breaking, he nearly considering finding Mr. Freeze and begging the man to re-freeze him just to make it stop. The Riddler falling apart was something new, that was something that scared the Hell out of him. His other self was supposed to be stable in the sense that he could handle the things that Ed could not. He was charismatic and didn’t let little things like guilt and love shake him, but if the tattoo on his arm was anything to go by then all of this was getting to him, to them both. 

Ed looked down at his arm again, stared at the crude writing. He made a note to himself to clean and bandage it once he was home, once he explained to Oswald that he loved him and didn’t plan on killing him again. He rubbed his hands over his face, quietly crying as he thought about it, all of it. He didn’t know why Oswald wanted to deal with this, to deal with him. Not after what happened, the messages he’d left confirmed there was still that lack of trust and who could blame him?

Why trust the man who got under your skin and attempted to kill you?

When the car came to a stop Ed paid the driver the rest of the money and a little extra. “Sorry about the blood” Ed muttered as he opened the door and climbed out of the taxi.

He took his time walking up to the front door, in his mind he tried to think over things to say if anything at all. He wanted to have the right things to say, but he was all out of words when it came to Oswald. He opened the door and stepped inside, there was no surprise that Oswald was there in the main hall waiting for him, he was pacing back and forth looking disheveled and scared. He stopped in his pacing when he heard the front door close. Ed felt his heart break looking at him, his green eyes were wide and blood shot, tears rolling down his cheeks, his skin flushed. Despite whatever he was feeling or had been feeling he rushed towards Ed, wrapped his arms around his waist hugging him almost painfully tight. He buried his face against his chest sobbing. Ed returned the embrace, pet his fingers through his hair and kissed the top of his head. He hated hearing him cry, feeling his tears stain his blood stained shirt. He knew he’d been up all morning just pacing and crying, breaking things, and drinking. The usual stages of grief and acceptance when it came to him.

Oswald pulled back enough to glare up at him. “Where the Hell were you, I went into your room, and you weren’t there. You just left and you wouldn’t answer my calls.”

“I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what happened. I really don’t. I swear to you though that I never once thought about hurting you.” 

The other man looked away at that, he curled his fingers against his shirt just needing to ground himself to him. “I just….It started to remind me of before, one minute things seemed fine between us then you just….You left.”

Ed leaned down kissing the bridge of his nose then his lips, he brushed the tears from his cheeks with his thumbs. He smiled sadly when Oswald took a gentle hold of his wrist, fingers brushing against faded scars on his skin, he turned his head pressing a kiss to the palm of Ed’s hand. 

“We should….We should probably get you cleaned up, you look like Hell.” 

Ed chuckled. He allowed the other man to lead him upstairs into the master bedroom and through into the bathroom. He leaned back against the counter watching as Oswald busied himself with running a bath for him, he wanted to tell him he could do these things for himself, that he didn’t need him to do anything for him, but he knew it was what he wanted to do. Ed turned to face the mirror needing to get a proper look at himself and his current state. He sighed as he noticed the splatters of blood across his face and his neck. He unbuttoned his dress shirt, slowly slipped it down over his shoulders and dropped it to the floor, he removed his tank top, and groaned. 

“Great,” he muttered to himself as he noticed yet another crudely done tattoo this time on his chest, right above his heart.

‘Worthless to one, but priceless to two.’

He startled when Oswald placed a hand against his back, in the mirror he noticed Oswald looking at him, looking at the tattoo. He knew he wanted to ask, but he knew there was no answer. Ed turned to face him, needing to see the real him and not just his reflection. Tentatively Oswald touched the tattoo on his chest, his fingers tracing over letters of a riddle that once meant so very much to him. He leaned up kissing him, Ed placed his hand against the small of his back pulling him close just wanting to know he was there with him. 

“I love you Oswald.” He whispered against his lips, he needed him to know. He would tell him every second of every day for eternity if he felt it would make a difference.

The way he looked up at him made him worry the words held little meaning, that at the end of the day he could never fully trust or believe in him, believe the words he spoke. 

“Promise me, promise you won’t do this again.” 

Ed nodded, “I promise”

He hated lying, but he felt he had no choice in the matter, not when he was looking at him with such hurt and fear.

Oswald kissed him once more before leaving the room, quietly closing the bathroom door behind him. 

Ed finished undressing, he lowered himself into the bath sighing feeling content as the warm water lapped against his skin. The expensive soap he washed himself with cleansing him of blood and dirt, washing away whatever God awful sin he had committed in the light of the early morning. He knew in time he’d remember what happened, Riddler couldn’t keep it to himself forever what they had done, he loved to share his games with others. 

He took his time in the bathroom, soaking in the tub and worrying over days to come. He wasn’t getting better, the pills if anything were only hurting him more. He felt like his presence only brought Oswald more pain and heartache, everything triggering another painful memory. 

Ed traced his fingers over the old scars on his wrist, he closed his eyes as he thought about that night from so many years ago, he’d been surprised his dad had even taken him to the hospital. Could even still hear him begging him to stay with him, not to die on him. 

He opened his eyes, he forced the memory back into its box to hide away with all the other memories he wasn’t sure he could handle right now.

He got out of the tub, he grabbed a towel off the rack and dried himself off before wrapping it around his waist and exiting the room. Oswald was sitting on the bed waiting for him, he looked slightly calmer than he had been before, but still he looked worried.

“Do you feel better?”

“Sort of, just exhausted….Bit confused, I still feel bad about worrying you.”

Oswald smiled softly, he looked down at the bed, began nervously pulling at the fabric of the comforter. 

“Could we, maybe not talk about that right now?” He asked looking back up at him.

“Sure, we can talk later.”

He watched as Oswald removed his jacket and his own black dress shirt leaving himself only in a tank top and his pants. Ed glanced away, remembered that the only thing he currently wore was a black towel. 

“I was, I was thinking you could….You can sleep in here, maybe….Maybe permanently, if you want to. I get if you don’t want to sleep here.”

He was self-conscious, scared, and Ed couldn’t blame him. He shared in those feelings, they were in a place that was unfamiliar to them, a place where all they wanted was the intimacy and the romance, the comfort and the passion, but they were scarred and terrified. Ed was cautious as he approached the bed, he climbed onto it and moved to sit next to him, Oswald watched him, blushed as he looked over his mostly naked frame. Carefully Ed reached out touching the visible skin of his chest, Oswald closed his eyes, he sighed when Ed gently kissed his chest, lips brushing against pale freckled skin. He tangled his fingers in wet curls of hair, Ed took this as a sign it was okay, that this was okay. He continued kissing what skin the tank top did not cover, he kissed his freckled shoulders and realized he was utterly stunning.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered against his skin, breath warm and tickling against his skin. 

He doubted he believed it, believed him. He believed nobody when they said such things to him, even the compliments his own parents had dolled out were empty as far as Oswald had been concerned, words parents were just supposed to speak to make their children feel special.

Ed meant it though, he wanted him to feel and understand that he was beautiful, that he would do anything for him.

Oswald laid back against the bed, Ed laid down with him keeping close to him, pressed against his side. He loosely wrapped his arm around his waist, touched along his side.

“Sometimes I like to pretend none of that other stuff happened, that I was brave enough to just tell you how I feel….That you loved me back.”

Ed pressed a kiss against his jaw, “I did love you, I was just scared. I think if you’d told me I would have….I would have returned your feelings.”

He liked to think he would have, that it wouldn’t have scared him. It had been so long since he’d really let himself feel for another man, he still felt himself adjusting to being able to love openly and freely without hiding it, without hiding who he loved. 

Oswald rubbed his hand along his back, fingers dancing along his skin. “I felt like, I felt like I worshiped you then. I know it’s ignorant really, but….Nobody had ever, you made me feel in a way nobody else had. You still do actually, it’s terrifying really, but I can’t stand the thought of ever letting you go.”

“You don’t have to, I’m going to stay this time.”

He kissed the top of his head. “Thank you. Now you should get some sleep, I promise I’ll be here.”

Ed nuzzled against his chest, he closed his eyes falling asleep to the rhythm of his beating heart.


	13. Chapter 13

There was a young man tied to a wooden chair, the room was dimly lit making it hard for him to see and make out his surroundings. For all he could tell the room was a warehouse. Before him was a table, on the table sat three black boxes.

Riddler stalked around in the back of the spacious room, he watched the man tied to the chair. A man whose name he did not know and he did not care to know, he just new he was an unwilling participant to a game he was bound to lose. Slowly he approached the table that sat between them, a barricade between host and player. He placed his hands on the table, leaned over it and grinned at the man who watched him with wide fearful eyes.

“Where am I, why are you doing this?” The man asked, his voice echoed off the walls, the silence mocking his fear.

Riddler chuckled, he removed his hat, pressed it against his chest as he straightened up. “You are here to play a game, simple game really.”

“Please just…Just let me go, I’ll give you money. Anything you want. Please”

Riddler frowned at the pleading, he rolled his eyes. He placed his hat on the table and sighed. “Please stop being so predictable, if you keep whining like that then we can never get started.”

The man quieted his whining, his chest rose and fell with each heavy breath.

“Now as I’m sure you’ve noticed, there are three boxes on this table. The game is simple, you just have to make a very simple decision.”

Riddler removed the lid from the first box, the second, and then the third. The man looked down into the boxes, he looked up at Riddler. 

“What is this?”

“Hearts.” Was the simple reply.

In each box was a heart, each freshly carved out of a corpse. He grinned as he ran his fingers over the hot viscera of the heart that lay in the middle box.

“You know….Your wife Maya, she’s an important part of this game.” Riddler announced looking back up at his soon to be victim.

“Maya, what did you do with her? Where’s my wife?” He yelled, he jerked against his restraints, his fear suddenly consumed by rage.

Riddler laughed, took a step back from the table. “Easy now, getting aggressive won’t help her.”

Despite his comment, the man continued struggling against the ropes that kept him bound to the chair. The legs of the chair scraped against the ground, wood groaning, and the man growling and screaming threats that were empty. Riddler almost wanted to untie him, make him think he stood a chance against him, let him get a hit or two in before stabbing him in the throat. He didn’t do that though.

“The game is a guessing game. Tell me which box contains Maya’s heart and I’ll let you go, no strings attached. You guess correctly, I untie you, and give you the key to the car waiting outside.”

“You son of a bitch, where is she?!”

Riddler sighed, he slammed his hand down against the tabletop startling the man.

“I already told you, now tell me which box contains your wife’s heart. If you don’t answer then I kill you, if you answer wrong then I kill you.”

The man frantically looked over the boxes, Riddler could almost feel his fear and his anxiety. The realization that his wife may be dead, his situation dire as he tried to decide which box to choose. Riddler tapped his fingers against the table, waited patiently.

“The second one.”

Riddler touched the edge of the box, “Are you sure?”

The man nodded, “Yes, th-that one….That one is it.”

Riddler grinned, he stepped back from the table. “Sorry, but you lose the game.”

The man’s mouth hung open, he was lost for words as he realized he was going to die.

Riddler laughed as he turned and walked away from the man, made his way to a door at the back of the room. 

“You know, I told you I never said that her heart was in one of the boxes.” He announced as he opened the door.

He disappeared into the room, inside was a wheelchair that was placed beside a pile of dead pigs. He pushed the chair out of the room and into the main part of the building. He pushed the chair up to the table.

“Maya….God I thought, I thought you were dead. Are you okay, baby answer me.” The man was frantic, hope and fear in his voice as he looked at his wife who was seated before him.

She opened her mouth to speak, to assure her husband that she was fine, probably lie and tell him that they would get out of here and that this awful man would be put in Arkham where he belonged. Riddler grabbed a fistful of her hair, jerked her head back, he dragged the blade of the dagger across her throat. Blood sprayed outward, it washed over the table and her husband’s face. He screamed and thrashed until the chair fell onto its side, his screaming turned to sobbing. Riddler looked down at her face, her eyes were wide, mouth hanging open, blood spilled from the gaping wound in her throat and stained her t-shirt. Riddler walked around to the other side of the table, he groaned as he picked the chair up. 

“Pig hearts, they look quite similar to human hearts. Some horror movies actually use pig hearts instead of using plastics, audiences have a near impossible time telling the difference between farm animals and animals who wear clothes.” 

The man didn’t respond, just stared at the corpse of his wife. 

He stepped in front of the man, lowered himself on his lap, he shook his head feeling a tinge of disappointment at the situation. He patted his hand against the man’s cheek. 

“I had hoped you would win this game, but this is Gotham after all.” 

He plunged the knife into the man’s chest, he placed his free hand on his shoulder, his grip tight as he pulled the blade out then plunged it in again and again. He knew he was going into over kill, growling as he repeatedly stabbed his victim, his shirt and flesh tearing and dangling. 

Finally, he got up off him, left the knife buried in his heart. Riddler stepped back, he looked at the horror scene before him, he grinned, pride blooming in his chest. If only Ed would get over his boy troubles and just let him have his fun, give in, and realize they didn’t need Penguin. They didn’t need love, love lead to their mother staying with a man who mentally and physically abused her, who eventually threw her down a flight of stairs killing her. Love lead to dead girlfriends and heartache, lead to friends turning on you.

Riddler took a deep breath calming himself. Love lead to pain, a pain Ed always seemed happy to wallow in, but normally Riddler didn’t need it. He didn’t need attachments or disappointment.

So why was the always angry tantrum throwing bird haunting his mind, even while killing?


	14. Chapter 14

Oswald lay awake, he lightly trailed his index finger along Ed’s strong jawline, down along the side of his throat where if he held his finger there long enough he could feel his pulse thrumming, could feel as he swallowed and breathed. He could feel the damp warmth of his breath through the thin material of his tank top, reminders he was real, and he was here. Carefully he lifted Ed’s arm, looked at the crude home-made tattoo there now. 

“Why did you do this to yourself?” He asked, voice soft, the question hanging unanswered in the air.

He traced the letters, read the riddle to himself. He furrowed his brow as he tried to think what the answer could even be, he feared what the answer could be. He touched along long faded scars that crisscrossed over one another, the skin was slightly discolored, paler than the rest of his skin. Oswald knew the answer to that, to the scars, it made him nervous. He pressed a kiss against them, silently scolded himself for thinking about it, for worrying about what could happen if it’s happened once before.

He looked at the man who lay curled up against his side, pressed against him refusing little space. Oswald didn’t mind, it was suffocating, all of this was suffocating, he felt like he was drowning, but found he rather enjoyed it for once. Twice in his life he’d nearly drowned, water filling his lungs, the waves tugging and pushing, pulling him into a darkness that held mystery and death. This felt like that, loving Ed after everything that had happened felt like drowning, being pushed and pulled into a cold yet comforting darkness that he craved. 

He pressed a kiss to the top of his head, whispered that he loved him, he needed him to know. He worried still somehow that Ed didn’t know despite the fact he’d screamed his love for him repeatedly once, screamed and begged until his voice was raw and his throat felt like it was catching fire. The word held so much power, so much submission. It scared him. It scared him that he wasn’t sure how he felt now that Ed loved him back, that he admitted to it. He found it was hard to believe him, but he wanted to, he needed to. Even if it was a lie it was a nice one, feeling loved and wanted, having the first and only person he found himself loving finally in his arms like this. He never had to communicate with Ed that he was his first for practically everything, it was unspoken, and obvious; he was the first and as far as he was concerned, the only person who could ever capture the Penguin’s heart. Oswald planned on keeping it that way, he couldn’t stand going through any of the struggle and pain with anybody else, it’d just feel cheapened as far as he was concerned.

It still bothered him with Ed’s fits. There was something alarming about Ed coming home soaked in blood, looking exhausted and scared, it’d be different if he came home humming to himself, happy and aware of what he had done. He didn’t though, he didn’t remember. Oswald rubbed his hand along his back, he just needed to touch him, to know he was there. Ed nuzzled against him, stretched before relaxing once more. He liked thinking this is how it would have been, if he’d just been brave, told him that he loved him. He’d had chance after chance, even before then he’d had plenty of time to realize he loved his friend. He smiled to himself thinking about their friendship from before, how easy it had always been to confide in him, how he’d liked Ed’s attention and loyalty. He had the attention now, he wanted to pretend Ed wasn’t jealous of Sophia, he wanted to pretend that he didn’t realize Ed hated every time that he left without him. He liked to pretend that Ed was just a fixture like a painting or a family portrait, another part of the mansion, another painful memory that Oswald passed daily but tried not to think too much about.

He startled when somebody knocked on his bedroom door, before he could respond the door opened. Zsasz slipped into the room, eyed the two of them, first focusing on Ed’s mostly naked form curled up against his boss’s side then finally focusing on his boss who now was sitting up, arm wrapped around Ed’s shoulders. 

“Victor, knocking. We’ve been over this.” He scolded, glaring at the other man.

Victor smiled, closed the door behind him and approached the bed. “I thought you were with Sophia or are you two timing her with Nygma?” 

Oswald considered throwing something at him, but he didn’t want to wake Ed.

“I’m not dating Sophia; how many times do I have to tell you that.”

Victor nodded towards Ed. “You’re dating him though?”

“I’m….It’s complicated and it’s frankly none of your concern. Now what the Hell is it that you want?”

“Gordon’s downstairs wants to talk to you.”

“Well tell him to leave, anything he wants to talk about I don’t have time for right now.”

“About that, it’s about your boyfriend there. Gordon seems pissed.”

Oswald let out a heavy sigh, he looked down at Ed. 

“Okay, tell Jim that I’ll be down in a minute.”

“Will do boss.” He gave a short wave before turning and leaving the room, not bothering to shut the door behind him.

Oswald carefully got out of bed, winced at the sharp throbbing pain that shot through his leg. He grabbed at his knee, groaned, he took a second before standing and making his way to his closet to grab out a dress shirt. He dressed quickly and quietly, occasionally glanced towards the bed to see Ed now taking up the spot where he’d just been laying. He was attractive, cute and rather innocent when he was sleeping, it was near impossible to realize and conceive that he was capable of rather horrendous things. Things that Oswald still had nightmares about, but he didn’t want to tell him about that.

Quietly he slipped out of the room, he closed the door behind him and made his way downstairs and into the parlor where Jim stood looking around the room as if surveying it. He knew he was just studying, studying him and studying his history, there were many things Jim didn’t know, would never know. Oswald preferred to keep it that way.

“Jim, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?”

Jim turned to face him, he eyed him suspiciously. In response Oswald smiled, ignored the burning annoyance in his eyes, he remembered the countless times Jim came to him for help and asked him for favors. Now he tried to treat him like he was Satan.

“Where’s Nygma?”

Oswald clicked his tongue, he paced through the room running his hand over the back of a chair. “Why?”

“I need to ask him a few questions. I know he’s here.”

He paused, turned to look at him. “Anything that you want to ask Ed, you can ask me.”

Jim sighed, he was tense, and visibly tired of the situation before it even really began.

“Where was he early this morning?”

“Home”

Jim stepped towards him. “Why are you lying for him?”

Oswald tapped his fingers against the back of the chair, he sucked at the inside of his cheek, and wondered why he was doing this. Love, fear, the fear of living his life without Ed again.

“Just tell me what he did.” Oswald finally asked.

Jim looked at him for a moment, probably trying to see if he was screwing with him or not. “He murdered two people; he murdered a man and his wife, we found the bodies in a warehouse on the edge of the city. There were also three dead pigs, their hearts in boxes on a table…..He mailed the wife’s heart to the GCPD.”

Oswald closed his eyes, he lowered his head as he thought about it. He could almost picture the crime scene, it all sounded meaningless. Just some couple, they weren’t people who had wronged him, they weren’t from a rival gang. Just two people, two people Ed more than likely kidnapped from their home. He supposed that was what always did end up bothering him, what crawled under his skin when it came to Ed’s crimes….They had no purpose in terms of business, they were personal or random acts of extreme theatrical violence.

“You know the rule Jim, he’s fine. I gave him my blessing.” He said looking up at him again, silently begging him to just drop this and go away.

“I know you better than that, you wouldn’t give him your blessing on something like this. These were random people, she was a school teacher, he worked at a gas station. There was no motive.”

“I understand the situation, just please leave.” He responded, anger biting in his tone.

He felt a sort of sense of fear, worry about the situation, and if he could handle it. He worried that having Ed frozen for a year might have caused some long lasting permanent damage to his brain, but he knew Ed had already been on a psychological decline before then.

“Oswald,” Jim’s tone was softer now, no cop edge to him. “Ed’s sick, you know that, everybody knows that. He needs professional help, we can get him that.” He assured. Oswald swallowed hard, he looked away despising how fatherly Jim was when he spoke that way, that calming logic.

“So just send him back to Arkham?”

“No, there’s other places, outside of the city.” 

Oswald looked at him, he felt a lump in his throat and the threat of tears stinging his eyes. He knew he was right, he knew that he couldn’t help Ed. He wasn’t sure he wanted to or how to, he wasn’t doing well. The thought of not seeing him, of forcing him to leave Gotham and go into a psych ward scared him. The fear of him never returning of being there forever or hating him and refusing to speak to him again.

“I-I can’t do that, I can handle it. Please, I’ll….I can take care of him, he’s my responsibility.”

Jim stared at him, he looked almost sad for him as if he understood this situation and, in a way, Oswald knew that he did. He didn’t scold him, there were no threats. He just turned and left, which possibly was for the best. If he’d played father anymore then Oswald would have broken down in tears, if he’d turned back into the hardened cop then he would have threatened to shoot him dead right then and there. Leaving with no words, leaving Oswald with the overwhelming drowning silence was for the best.

He stalled for a while before going back upstairs. He poured himself a drink, he checked on the crow that he’d found in Ed’s bedroom earlier that morning. It now was perched on the kitchen counter, head turning as it cawed and checked out its new home. Oswald smiled as he looked at the bird, it was oddly calm for suddenly being inside, but when he’d tried to make it go back out the window it had kept returning. Just another Gotham oddity he supposed.

“I see you like it here.” He said to the bird, it looked at him then lifted its left wing and began grooming itself ignoring him completely.

Oswald nursed his drink, he kept the bottle close by just in case he’d need a second or a third before facing the rest of his day, he still needed to talk to Sophia at some point. He had many second thoughts about her plans to kill Jim Gordon, he knew he couldn’t let it happen, but he knew what risks came with telling her that.

“She’s probably going to try and kill me, or everybody will stop trusting me and turn against me.” He mused.

The bird cawed, flapped its wings before settling again.

“Ed’s no help since he’s going completely insane….I want to say if I lose everything at least I still have him, but I probably won’t.”

He downed his drink, poured a second one.

“I do have Martin, but if things get too bad I’ll have to send him away. He doesn’t deserve to be dragged into all of this, I want him to have some sort of a chance at life.” He sighed heavily. “I guess I have you at least.” He said gesturing towards the bird.

In response the bird side stepped along the counter, pecked at the marble surface in confusion then flew out of the room.

“Or not” Oswald muttered, he downed his second drink, placed the glass in the sink and then left the room.

He made his way back upstairs and back into his bedroom, there was little surprise to him that Ed was still fast asleep. He had after all spent late night into the early morning out torturing and brutally murdering people. Oswald crawled back into bed, he rolled the other man away so that he could be back in his spot on the bed. Ed groaned, wrapped his arm around his waist and pulled him close to him. Oswald pet his hair, lightly scratched his nails against the back of his neck as he watched him sleep, still it was hard to compute this was the same man. 

“I love you, I love you selfishly, but I can’t help it.”

And that was true, it was an addiction. He feared what came with a life without him.


	15. Chapter 15

“Do you remember Mr. Leonard?” Oswald asked, he paced around the small sound proof room they were in. In his hand he held a knife, he glanced down at the blade then looked back up at Ed.

Ed leaned back against the table behind him, a smile tugging at his lips. “Of course, I remember, how could I forget that?”

“It meant a lot to me that you were willing to do that for me, to make me feel better. I remember that I doubted you, I doubted that you could be a natural killer or remotely sadistic. Then I watched the way you stabbed that man, then I knew I was wrong about you.”

The words he spoke were genuine, he was lost in thought and lost in their shared past. His mind temporarily stuck in a time where they shared a small apartment together where outside they could hear the shouts and sirens of the city just a few feet below. A green neon light that flooded the apartment in Ed’s favorite color, a well-worn bed the two often shared with a certain barrier of pillows set up between them, because the last thing Ed had wanted to do was invade the mobster’s personal space. He smiled thinking about it, smiled watching Oswald now and realizing he remembered him, remembered back then just as fondly.

“I just wanted to make you proud.” Ed commented, voice soft.

Catching Oswald’s eye, proving himself worthy had been his biggest goal. For so many months and well into a year his life had revolved around this man, revolved around getting his attention and receiving validation from him. His praises, his gentle caring touches that were foreign and new to Ed in the best way possible. The way he’d smile at him and speak to him like he approved of him, of his work, and his oddities. Now his life consisted heavily of worming his way into his good graces again, redeeming himself, or at least living the lie that he could ever redeem himself after all the horrid things he had done to him.

“You did…You always made me proud….Even….” He paused in his speech, letting out a shaky breath before continuing. “Even when, even after you had tried to kill me. When I had seen them talking about you on the news, when I found out the things you had been doing I have to admit I was a bit proud of you.”

Ed watched him, could see that loss and sadness filling him. He stepped away from the table and approached the other man, he placed a reassuring hand on his back. He leaned down pressing a kiss against his forehead, Oswald leaned against him smiling softly. He had no words he could really speak, no way of making things better, or erasing that pain. It was all memories, trauma, and panic; each time Oswald flinched, each glimpse of fear or sorrow he knew he had caused. He couldn’t fix damage he had caused.

Muffled yells, wood scraping against the concrete floor interrupted the moment. Oswald stepped away from Ed, the handle of the knife clenched tightly in his hand as he circled around the chair. Ed watched as the other man slammed the blade of the knife into the shoulder of the man who was tied to the chair, the man’s eyes widened, and his shouts grew in volume despite the ball gag in his mouth. 

Ed couldn’t help but laugh at the man’s screams, at the way he writhed and whimpered as the blood soaked through his gray t-shirt. The look in Oswald’s eyes was something primal, something horrifying and dangerous that sent a tingle down not only Ed’s spine but Riddler’s as well. For once in a long while he felt like one instead of two.

“Interrupting is rude.” Oswald spat angrily at the man, he twisted the blade before pulling it out. 

He held the knife out to Ed, “As much as I know you enjoy watching, I feel it’d be more fun if you joined in.” He offered, he gave the knife a bit of a shake. The blood-stained metal tempting, singing to him.

Ed took the knife from him, he turned his attention to the man seated in the middle of the room who looked horrified. He could feel Oswald’s eyes on him, knew he was watching, curious as to what his partner would do. 

He reached down placing his hand on the man’s forearm, his arm tied down to the arm of the chair. Ed looked up at their victim, “This is going to hurt a bit, sorry.” He apologized, smiling as he thrusted the tip of the knife into and through the top of the man’s hand. The man screamed, cursed, all muffled by the gag in his mouth, but regardless Ed enjoyed the sounds. He pulled the knife out, traced the blade along the man’s forearm. He whistled to himself as he watched the blood flowing from the gaping hole. 

Oswald placed his hand on the small of Ed’s back, pressed himself close to him, he pressed a kiss to his clothed shoulder. “I don’t mean to tell you what to do, but I think removing his hands would be a fitting punishment.” He recommended, a light reminder of the reason this man was here in this room being tortured.

The man watched Ed with terrified eyes, he was begging again, chest heaving as he watched the knife being raised in the air. Ed laughed as he slammed the knife down, sawed it through the man’s wrist cutting through muscle and carving through bone, blood sprayed onto him as well as their victim. The man’s muffled screams reached a crescendo before cutting off, head lolling to the side as he went into shock. Ed looked down at the grotesque mess he’d made, the man’s hand dangling by threads of flesh and nearly sawed off bone. He breathed heavily, an excitement flowing through him. 

Oswald gently took the knife from him, he turned his head to look towards the other man. He grinned as he watched his partner begin cutting into the man’s other hand, watched the way the blood sprayed all over his expensive suit and his face. Ed stepped up behind him, wrapped his arms around his waist, he leaned down pressing a kiss against the back of his neck before resting his chin on his shoulder and watching as he worked on cutting the man’s hand off. 

Ed pressed a kiss to the side of his neck, flicked his tongue against his skin tasting the bitter copper flavor of the man’s blood on his partner’s skin. Oswald closed his eyes, breathed deeply, he let the knife drop to the floor.

“You look gorgeous like this.” He whispered against his ear.

As much as Ed loved the gentleman, loved how soft and sweet and polite as Oswald could be, he loved what lay beneath all of that. He loved the monster lurking inside him, the side of him that threw tantrums that almost always ended with somebody being horrifically murdered just so he could work his rage out of his system. He loved him like this, it reminded him of just exactly what they were. 

He kissed down along his neck, teeth grazing against his skin before nipping. Oswald moaned softly, body pressed back against Ed’s. Ed loved the sound, loved any moment he could make him sing so beautifully, there was a power in knowing he could make him feel pleasure. 

Oswald gently took hold of his wrist, allowing Ed’s hand to rest on his stomach just a mere inch or so above a scar neither of them felt like addressing, knew how to address. 

Ed pressed another soft kiss to his skin, lips lingering on that spot where he could feel his pulse thrumming letting him know that this wasn’t some very specific erotic dream, but real. 

“I should give my men a call, let them know they can come take care of this situation.” 

He pulled away from his embrace, the moment broken as he pulled his cell phone out of his pants pocket and began looking up the number of one of his many connections. Ed turned his attentions towards their victim, the man’s body still limp, and the blood no longer flowing from his horrific wounds. Ed leaned down, he placed his index and middle finger against the side of his neck searching out his pulse point. The man was alive, but barely; not that it mattered. If he died soon or on the way back then it would simply send a message to the rest of this man’s crew that nobody committed a robbery without a permit from Penguin. 

He heard the plastic snap of Oswald’s phone being closed signaling their time here was done, a car waited idling outside of the warehouse. Ed took hold of his partner’s hand lacing their bloodied hands together as they made their way out into the cold night air, Oswald kept close to his side seeking out the warmth of his body as they walked towards the car. The world around them was quiet as if it had simply stopped existing, Ed felt light as if he wasn’t even really in the moment. He was working automatically, his body doing simple tasks he completed time and time again, all second nature. He opened the car door holding it open while Oswald climbed inside, he followed in after him closing the door behind him. 

“Is there a reason Zsasz couldn’t have done this?” Ed inquired.

Oswald looked towards him, eyebrow raised. He felt perhaps he looked a tad bit offended, taking the question the wrong way.

“I thought you might enjoy it, it’s been a long time since we’d done anything like that. Plus, Victor is out with a friend of his, some gentleman called Headhunter, I guess he hadn’t seen him in a long time.”

Ed hummed, he knew the reasons were deeper than that, but he wouldn’t press. 

“I did enjoy it, I missed really getting to see that side of you.” 

Oswald smiled as he looked over him, he scooted closer to him until he was against his side. Ed wrapped his arm around the other man’s shoulders more than happy to have him resting his head on his shoulder. If he ignored the blood and the stench of death then this felt normal, he felt normal. 

“We can do this more often.” He offered, he placed his hand on Ed’s knee. He traced patterns on the smooth material of his pants.

Ed knew he worried about him, that something about him scared him. He could easily tell him everything, tell him about the hallucinations, the black outs, the pills, and everything else. He could tell him that after he shot him that day that he’d taken so many pills he thought he might die just so he could hallucinate him, see him, and tell him he loved him.

The words, the confessions died on his tongue though. He kissed the top of his head, whispered that he loved him. 

They were the only words he could manage, if he loved him enough then maybe he would understand and forgive him for all the other things that had happened, all his past and present sins and horrible actions.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just noticed that this story has over 1,000 hits which is seriously incredible and it means a lot to me. I didn't really know how well this story would do or how much attention it would get, but the amount of people reading it, leaving comments, and kudos seriously means a lot to me. Thank you all so very much.

Ed quietly sang to himself as he ran the cloth over his skin, watching as the blood washed away. Gently he ran the cloth over his tattooed arm, he held his arm close to his face studying it. It was healing up nicely, surprisingly; he’d half expected an infection, from what he recalled stick n’ poke tattoos weren’t exactly the cleanest method of tattooing. He still felt an annoyance that Riddler decided to mark their body in such a way, but he supposed there wasn’t much he could do about it now.

‘Could always go down to Two Gun and get it professionally done.’ 

“Don’t be stupid.” He muttered, scolding himself.

‘I don’t think that he trust us.’

He sighed as he slid down further into the tub, the water splashing against his chin and his jaw. He closed his eyes focusing on the embracing warmth of the water, if he went a bit lower and fought against the rising panic then he could make the voice stop. No more black outs, no more murders he didn’t recall, no more pain.

‘I wonder what Ozzie would think if he knew how death obsessed you really are.’

He opened his eyes glaring in the direction of his other self. Riddler was perched on the edge of the tub looking down at him, he idly skimmed a black gloved index finger along the surface of the water as he watched Ed.

“He doesn’t need to know about that.”

Riddler grinned, he smacked the water splashing it at Ed. 

‘He’s already seen those scars, I’m sure that girlfriend of his has already recommended locking you away.’

Ed ducked under the water, he held his breath and counted to twenty before resurfacing. He gasped taking in a lungful of air, he ran his hands through his hair pushing the too long locks out of his face. Sadly, upon opening his eyes he saw Riddler was still in the room, now standing across from him, leaning back against the wall.

“She’s not his girlfriend for starters and secondly he wouldn’t do that to us.”

He said those words but didn’t quite believe them. Even if it had only been twice it had happened so far he knew it scared Oswald, he also knew that Oswald confided in Sophia Falcone about nearly everything. He felt a sort of hurt in his chest picturing the two of them sitting together in her home, talking about him.

‘You don’t believe that…..You need to stop lying to us, we’re in your head.’ Riddler chided rolling his eyes.

Ed climbed out of the tub, all means of relaxation broken. He pulled out the stopper watching as the water swirled down the drain pulling all remnants of blood with it. If he watched the water drain, then he didn’t have to pay attention to the nagging thoughts telling him all the things he refused to really think about. He closed his eyes thinking about the things not Oswald would say to him, the way his wet cold clammy hands felt on his body. He swallowed hard remembering that, remembering his bitter laughter and his judgement. 

He shook his head, wet tendrils of hair flopping over his face. He grabbed a towel and began drying off, he could feel eyes on him, but he chose to ignore them. He itched to run to his room and grab some pills, but that would come across as weird, he had no reason to do such a thing, Oswald would know he’s lying. 

He tossed the towel into the laundry basket then changed into his boxer briefs and white tank top, when he entered the bedroom he found Oswald in bed, sitting there reading through a book that Ed couldn’t discern the title of without his glasses. Carefully as not to bother him he climbed into bed, settled next to him. Oswald closed the book setting it to the side, he smiled softly as he turned his attention to Ed. Lovingly he pet his fingers through damp curls of dark brown hair chuckling to himself.

“You remind me of a sheep dog with how long your hair is getting.” He commented.

“Is that a good thing?” 

Oswald kissed him gently, fingertips running along his jawline. “It is, you look rather cute.” 

Ed felt a sort of content, he felt content sharing a bed with the man he was with. He never knew what he should refer to him as, the word partner came to mind immediately followed by bad memories. Memories of using such a vague word to bait him into confessing his love for him, the memory brought along with it a familiar frustration and sadness. A strong hate towards himself. 

Tentatively he placed a hand against Oswald’s cheek, he kissed him slowly, realized that’s what should have happened that day ages ago. That, this is what should have happened many days. Oswald touched along his chest, fingers curling against the material of his tank top. Ed touched him carefully, hands avoiding his stomach, he still hadn’t seen the scar that he knew was there, and he knew Oswald was in no hurry to show him. Ed kissed along his jaw and down his neck, he licked against his skin before biting and sucking against the side of his neck. Oswald tilted his head to the side, body relaxing against the bed. Ed felt a shiver down his spine when the other man moaned, he felt his hand slip up under the back of his shirt, short black painted nails scratching down along his back making him moan against his skin. 

Oswald tugged at his shirt, muttering the word off in a tone that conveyed frustration. Ed chuckled, he pulled back and removed his top tossing it to the side. Oswald sat up, he placed a hand against the back of his neck pulling him close and kissing him passionately, there was a hunger in the way that he kissed him. A sort of desperation as he searched for something he wasn’t sure he knew how to convey, but Ed was beyond willing to go along with this. He leaned into every touch, moaning as the other man bit and sucked against his lower lip. His own fingers curled in locks of black hair, nails scratching against his scalp. When the kiss ended he was left breathless, soft moans escaping him as Oswald kissed along his shoulder then his chest, lips lingering against the tattoo there tracing the words that they both knew far too well.

“Love” he whispered against his skin.

Ed petted his head, fingers curling in his hair giving a gentle tug. Oswald pulled back looking up at him, pupils blown, and lips parted. Ed held his face in his hands leaning down kissing him deeply, he laid him back against the bed moving to straddle his lap. He reached down pressing his hand between his legs, he could feel him through his boxers, feel how hard he was becoming due to what they were doing. Oswald moaned into the kiss, rutted against his hand. Ed knew without looking that he was blushing, he wasn’t used to this, used to feeling this way or reacting so primal. 

“This okay?” Ed asked, voice rough and lust filled.

Oswald nodded, he reached down taking hold of his wrist keeping his hand where it was, again he pressed against his palm moaning. 

Ed couldn’t help but watch him, the way his cheeks were flushed and the way he could barely look at him as he rubbed himself against his hand. Ed slipped his hand down under the band of his boxers, fingers teasingly trailing along the length of his cock.

“Fuck,” the other man muttered, eyes closing.

He couldn’t help but smirk at that, couldn’t help but realize just how beautiful he looked and how badly he wanted to make love to him, but he didn’t want to rush into that. He didn’t want to push him into things that he wasn’t ready for, he was fine with this.

Ed kissed along his neck, he wrapped his fingers around his length slowly stroking him. Oswald’s fingers tangled in his hair, his good leg hooked around his back pulling him down closer, needing to feel him against him completely. Ed pressed kisses along the exposed parts of his chest, just the places that he could reach before the black tank top he wore stopped him. He moved down lower until he was settled between his legs, Oswald watched him with eager eyes. He knew he was nervous, this was new, but something he’d wanted, but only with him. Ed slowly pushed up his tank top just the slightest bit, he leaned down kissing against the exposed area of skin, he pushed down his boxers exposing him completely. He locked his eyes on his as he licked up along the length of his cock before taking the head into his mouth sucking gently. Oswald moaned loudly, hips bucking. Ed took more of him into his mouth, fingers wrapped around the base of his cock, he could feel the heel of his foot digging into his lower back, nails scratching against his scalp. He sucked harder taking as much of him as he could into his mouth and down his throat, he ran his tongue along his flesh. 

This felt right; touching him, tasting him, and being able to pull such loud and beautifully obscene moans from him. 

He pulled back the slightest bit, hand working the base of his cock. He allowed the other man to thrust into his mouth, tongue massaging against him with each shallow buck of his hips. Oswald pulled at his hair making him moan, he moved his hand from his cock to touch and tease along the taut skin of his balls. His partner’s moans grew in volume, the sound nearly echoing in the room, he felt his own arousal grow hearing him calling out his name. He continued on with teasing touches and strokes of his tongue until he drew him to orgasm, he came inside his mouth, body tensing and breath coming out labored. Ed sucked him gently, drew all he could from him not minding the slightly bitter taste of him as he filled his mouth. Slowly he pulled off him, he sat kneeling between his legs looking down at him. Oswald opened his eyes, he reached out grabbing at his arm tugging him down. 

Ed moved to lay by his side, in a moment Oswald was pressed against him chest to chest, he touched along Ed’s body just casually exploring as he caught his breath. He kissed him gently as he rubbed his hand along his thigh, Ed’s legs parted allowing him to touch more. He wanted him to know he was his, he wanted him to know he could touch and explore as much as he wanted to.

“I love you.” He whispered against his lips before kissing him again, he pressed his hand against him.

Ed’s eyes closed for a moment, shivering at the feeling of him. “I love you too.”

“Is it okay if I…” The question trailed off.

Sex and things related to it were not something Oswald was brave in, Ed understood. He kissed the bridge of his nose then his lips. 

“It’s okay, I want you to touch me.” 

The way the other man looked at him was almost heart breaking, he looked nearly baffled that anybody could want him to touch them. Ed knew and realized that any of this was new and confusing, because for Oswald it meant he was desired, that he could be touched and loved. He wanted to convey to him that he was absolutely stunning, he wanted to find a way to convey many things, but he doubted he could. Not now, not anymore. 

Ed gingerly touched along his arm, he softly moaned when Oswald’s hand slid down the front of his boxers, fingers touching along his cock. Ed brushed his fingers along his cheek, admired his beauty and that look of uncertainty on his face, a look that said he wasn’t sure if what he was doing was right or not. 

“Is this, is this okay?”

He nodded, he kissed him gently. 

Any touch felt fine if it was him. Ed pet his hair, he moaned as he felt a firmer touch against his cock. Fingers rubbing him, his index finger teasing against his tip. He moaned loudly, hips bucking at the sensation. 

Oswald kissed along his jaw, Ed hummed and moaned enjoying the feeling of his warm mouth against his skin. He could happily drown in the sensations he felt, the way he felt when he was with him. He remembered telling him so long ago about himself, remembered questions about the partially faded scars on his chest, and how he’d felt unsure about explaining that to him. He’d been surprised and pleased at how understanding Oswald had been, how he’d just easily asked him questions about him, his surgery and his shots. He’d been the first cis man in a long time that had handled the news so well. 

Gently Oswald laid him back on the bed, he looked up at him with questioning eyes. Ed smiled at him, he placed a hand against his neck, drew him up and kissed him gently. 

“If I do anything you don’t like, just tell me.” 

“I will”

Ed lovingly pet his hair, he relaxed against the bed watching as his partner kissed down along his chest. His lips were drawn to the tattoo on his chest, Ed was grateful his questions about the tattoos were very few, his questions about many things these days were few. He knew he was scared to ask, when one asked questions there were inevitably answers. The answers weren’t always ones that people wanted to hear and Ed couldn’t blame him for that. He shivered when Oswald flicked his tongue against his nipple, gently sucking against it until it hardened. His fingers continued touching, stroking, every sensual touch from his hand and his mouth bringing him more pleasure. He’d nearly forgotten how amazing it felt to be touched.

Oswald kissed lower, lips brushing over pale skin, if he paid enough closer he could find scars lost to time. Marks from a time that he didn’t need to know about, not now, but maybe some other time. Ed touched along his back, fingers tracing over freckles, when he touched along his shoulder blade he felt a scar. He smiled to himself remembering the night he had found him in the woods, taken him home and done his best to take care of him. 

He moaned when Oswald nipped against the skin of his stomach, he bit and sucked until a mark was left behind. He pressed a kiss against it before moving lower, repeating the action leaving more marks behind. He hummed, legs spreading, he much preferred marks from him. 

He loved watching him and feeling him, he loved his loving touches and how careful he was as if terrified of hurting him. The thought of that made him want to laugh despite how inappropriate that would be, he could never comprehend how he could be so loving, so careful with him. Oswald was tentative as he moved lower, kissing beneath his belly button. Slowly he pulled his boxer briefs down, he looked up at him as he lowered his head pressing a kiss against his skin. 

Ed leaned his head back against the pillows beneath him moaning loudly as he felt his lover’s tongue flicking against his cock. His reaction was enough to encourage him in the action as he repeated it, tongue teasing against his tip before he took him into his mouth sucking and licking. Ed rolled his hips, his moans raspy and nearly desperate, he opened his eyes just enough to watch him. Slowly he slipped his index finger inside his entrance, Ed groaned, nails lightly scratching against his scalp as he bucked against him driving his finger deeper. There was a growing confidence in his actions with each sound he pulled from the man under him, Ed tried to think of the last time he’d been touched like this only to remember this was the first. Kristen and Isabella hadn’t wanted him in this specific way, despite how different they had been in personality they both had preferred sex to be to the point and rough despite Ed’s hesitations with such actions. This was different, he felt calm, safe with him.

Oswald slid a second finger inside him, fingers curling inside him as he continued sucking him. His eyes were on him, watching him and his reactions to him, to what he was doing to him. Watching the way Ed’s chest rose and fell with each heavy breath, the way his lips were parted moans and praises falling from his mouth with each moment of pleasure. Every way he could express to him that he enjoyed this, that he craved him in every way he conveyed. 

He felt his orgasm approaching, felt the coiling pleasure building up in his stomach. He bucked his hips, moaning and begging, begging him for anything just the right touches to push him over the edge. Oswald worked his tongue against him, sucking harder as he continued thrusting his fingers inside him. Ed came calling out his name, eyes closed tightly as his back arched off the bed, he shivered and trembled as he felt gentle kisses against his inner thighs followed by the loving bite of teeth. More marks, marks he wanted. Oswald kissed up along his body, moved to straddle his lower stomach, he placed a hand against Ed’s cheek, fingers stroking his skin. Ed opened his eyes looking up at him, he smiled, turned his head to the side to press a kiss against the palm of his hand. 

He wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist pulling him down and moving him to lay by him, Oswald happily curled up against him. They lay in silence, touching, and kissing. There were whispers about love and need, questions about if it was okay, questions that made Ed want to laugh, but he didn’t because he didn’t want to offend or hurt his feelings. He just felt overjoyed that for the first time in his life somebody cared about his feelings during sex, if it felt good, if he was okay, if a line was crossed. He felt safe to touch him, felt safe enough to touch lovingly along his neck and not think of terrible things from his past. 

There was something silently telling in it when Oswald nuzzled against his chest, relaxed against him. Ed rubbed his back, offered him comfort as he drifted off to sleep. He lay awake watching him, thinking about things that he now felt he had the spare time to think about. Behind him he felt eyes on him, he knew Riddler was judging him, judging that he thought that just maybe he could have this. Ed liked to think things could improve, in time he could prove himself to him, and they could have a life together. Running the city like old times, but better.

He kissed the top of his head, held him close against himself, he held him like he was protecting him from something. He knew he really was the biggest threat to him in the end.


	17. Chapter 17

Ed woke to the sound of a crow cawing, one specific crow anyway. He groaned, stretched to the best of his ability, stopped mostly by his partner who had his arms and a leg wrapped around him clinging to him. He opened his eyes looking down at Oswald, the other man furrowed his brow, groaned and hid his face against Ed’s chest. Ed looked up to see their newfound pet perched on the headboard, George was the name he’d decided to dub the bird, but he wasn’t entirely sure it would ever respond to a name.

“Hello George.” He greeted, the bird cawed and flapped its wings. It stared down at the two of them, watching as if studying the mating habits of humans. He was at least grateful that the bird hadn’t decided to invade their space during that specific time.

He returned his attention to Oswald, rubbed his hand over his back. He found he didn’t entirely mind having him so close, holding onto him in a way that suggested he feared losing him. Maybe if they stayed just like this, just for awhile then nothing could harm either of them. Ed liked to believe that, he liked thinking that if they were like this, if he wasn’t on his own then the voices would give him a break for once and he wouldn’t hallucinate quite as much. He remembered how far and few his episodes had been when Oswald had been mayor, when they had been happy and working on the same wavelength. He’d done so much to stay focused, doing his best to find Butch and Tabitha, keeping gangs from attacking either of them, and keeping everybody in line. He’d been so focused on work, so focused on keeping Oswald safe and happy. 

It would be pleasant if he could fall into that routine again, but that phase had passed. Oswald didn’t need him like he did before, Ed was happy for him, as he should be. He just missed that certain spark, that connection, but he supposed now they were working towards another sort of connection. It just took sorting out, at least he liked to hope that it would work out.

Oswald pushed against him in his sleep, Ed watched him finding himself generally interested by his bedmate’s restless sleep sessions. It reminded him of when they shared an apartment and a bed, despite his shoulder injury he’d thrash rather violently, fits that ended in waking and crying. It was still like that to a degree, but they could touch and embrace now without fear of what that meant or if it crossed a line of personal space and comfort. Now Oswald just clung to him like he was a body pillow, Ed allowed him to push and pull on him, grabbing his arm and pulling it more securely around him. There were times he cried in his sleep, muttering incoherently to himself, in those times he normally strayed away from him. Would curl up on his own and Ed knew those were times he was having nightmares about back then, about what they had done to each other.

Now thankfully was not one of those times, just his regular restless nature that bemused Ed to a certain extent. 

He rolled onto his back, in a moment Oswald was curled up against his side, one leg wrapped around his waist. Ed leaned his head back against the pillows to see George still on his perch, watching and observing.

“He is rather restless, isn’t he?” Ed inquired as he looked up at the bird.

George bobbed his head as if wanting a closer look at them but didn’t want to get closer. 

“If the bird ever answers you back then we could make millions.” Oswald muttered, breath hot against Ed’s chest.

He laughed, pet his fingers through his messed black hair. “You do realize quite a few species of bird can learn to speak, not like us of course, but they can mimic and memorize quite a few basic words and phrases….Besides you’re a million or two away from being a billionaire last I checked.” 

Oswald lifted his head to look at him, slightly pouting. “Nothing wrong with more money.” 

Ed smirked, “Trying to give Wayne a run for his money then?”

The other man rolled his eyes. “That child is ridiculously wealthy, if he keeps throwing it away the way I hear he’s been doing lately then it won’t last long.” He said smiling a bit.

There was always something to the greed of his partner, Ed understood though. Oswald grew up bordering on homeless most days when his mother couldn’t make the rent or afford food, he understood that now he craved what he grew up thinking he could never have.

“You seem way too happy about that.” 

Oswald leaned up kissing his jaw. “I just don’t like competition.”

Ed wasn’t entirely sure the Wayne boy could ever be competition in any sense. He was a 17-year-old orphan who recently picked up a habit of models and top shelf liquor, there was always a chance rehab could come into play, make the rounds on public apologies, go onto a prestige college, and then make something of himself. He could easily do the things that the rest of them never got the means or opportunity to do, Ed felt in reality there wasn’t much to worry about there. The boy seemed to stay out of the business of mobsters and villains, thankfully.

“I believe you killed most of the competition.” Ed teased, Oswald laughed.

Oswald moved to partially lay on top of him, hands placed against his chest where he could feel Ed’s steady heartbeat. He kissed him slowly, fingers curling against his skin. Ed felt content, the warmth of his body, the softness of his lips. He placed a hand against his back just holding him against him. 

“There’s always new competition.” He whispered against his lips before kissing him again.

Ed ran his hand down along his back bringing it to rest against his ass, Oswald smiled against his lips before pulling back a bit. 

“You’re very distracting.” He commented.

“Is that a complaint or a compliment?” Ed asked giving his ass a gentle squeeze. 

Oswald moaned softly, he gave his bottom lip a teasing nip. “Both actually, I really need to get dressed.” He made no attempt to leave, simply stayed in place.

Ed laid him back against the bed, he kissed him deeply, Oswald ran his tongue across his bottom lip. 

“You could just stay here, take a break from things.” He suggested, he kissed along the other man’s jaw.

“I’d love to, but I really do have things I have to do today.” 

There was the slightest feeling of disappointment when Oswald moved away from him. He watched as the other man carefully moved into a sitting position groaning as he stretched. Ed reached out placing a hand against his back, just idly touching and rubbing. Oswald looked back over his shoulder at him smiling softly. 

“I can come along if you want.” He offered, he hoped he would say yes.

Something in him scolded him for even asking permission to go along.

Oswald got up from the bed, he rubbed at his knee for a moment before carefully walking away from the bed. “I’d love if you could, but they’re matters I need to handle on my own.”

“Is something wrong, you know I’d be more than happy to help.” Ed pulled himself into a sitting position.

The other man didn’t look at him, he was falling into his morning routine of picking out the right suit for the day. 

“It’s….It’s nothing, perhaps tonight we can discuss it though.” 

Ed fell silent. He had found in the months since coming back that he wasn’t sure how to handle this, groping around in the dark having not the slightest clue what his best friend and partner was doing. He realized despite all the affection and intimacy shared between them that there was still a wall up, a wall that separated them in many other areas of their lives.

Once Oswald was finished dressing he turned to face him. “I promise we can talk when I get back tonight, I’ll hopefully have Martin with me.” He said, hopeful tone to his voice.

He knew that there were some minor roadblocks in being able to adopt the boy. The state considered Martin a problem child, they seemed less than willing to allow a man with an extensive criminal record to adopt a child who they felt needed a certain type of care. Ed knew it hurt his feelings, even for himself he felt sad for him, even worse for Martin. He knew what it was like to be labelled a problem child by the state, he knew what it meant.

“Have you heard anything else about being able to adopt him?”

Oswald sighed, “Sophia is working on things, she says that she’s making progress with persuading them to change their minds on the matter. I’m praying for sooner than later, it makes me almost hate myself for choosing the life that I did. If I wasn’t, if I wasn’t who I am then I wouldn’t be having this problem.” 

There was an evident and understandable frustration in his voice, Ed knew this was a topic that was hard for him. 

Ed got out of bed, he made his way to where his partner stood. He placed a hand against his shoulder gently squeezing. “It’ll work out, you love that kid, and I think you’d make an amazing father.” 

He felt that was true. There was something about Oswald that despite his reputation and the horrific things he had done in his life that made him a caretaker, when he cared for a person he did anything and everything for them regardless of the cost. Ed knew he’d do anything for Martin, he also knew in a strange way it was a second chance for him to protect and care for somebody who he could consider family. 

“Thank you, it means a lot to hear you say that.” Oswald hugged him, burying his face against the side of his neck. Ed returned the embrace, he knew in ways he was breaking, but he wasn’t sure what ways they were.

He knew that the situation with Martin was bothering him, but that wasn’t it. That wasn’t the thing causing him to hug him so tightly in this moment, face hidden as he breathed in the scent of soap and sweat. There was something else, he wanted to poke and prod and coax him into revealing every broken piece of the mirror to him, but it would only lead to Oswald becoming defensive. This was his life and he was determined to wander in the dark alone with his own path to find the exit.

Oswald pulled back, he composed himself once more. His mask returned as he smiled up at Ed, he kissed him gently before stepping away from him.

Ed remained in place, listened to his footsteps as he exited the room closing the door behind him. 

‘He is definitely hiding something from you.’ 

He glared in the direction of the voice, Riddler sat on the edge of the bed watching him.

“He’s got a lot on his mind, besides he doesn’t have to run everything past me.” 

Ed made his way into the bathroom, he relieved his bladder, washed his hands, and then went to take his shower. Through it all he could feel those eyes on his, his own eyes. When he got out of the shower he wasn’t surprised to see Riddler standing by the sink, watching as he almost always did. Ed wondered for a moment how he’d feel if one day he didn’t hear or see him anymore.

‘You would go insane if it wasn’t for me.’

“I’m pretty sure I’m already insane.” Ed remarked bitterly.

He returned to the bedroom, to the closet, on the left was a side dedicated to his wardrobe. He began putting his outfit for the day together, something in him tempted and itched to grab the suit with its harsh greens and shine like the scales of a fish. If he let him in then they could raise some Hell, but Oswald didn’t need that stress and he didn’t trust Riddler’s sudden outbursts.

‘He doesn’t trust you, if he did then we would be with him right now or at least know what he’s doing.’

Ed rolled his eyes. He stood before the full-length mirror, adjusted his tie and his jacket. A deep green edging closer to black, a suit that Oswald had designed and made for him.

‘Maybe he’s worried that we’ll screw him over again, I have some ideas of fun we could have.’

There was a chill that travelled down his spine at those words, at the way he spoke them.

“No.” He responded, voice firm as he turned to face his other self who stood far too close behind him.

Riddler stared at him, silent and suddenly serious. 

‘That thought you’re having right now, stop it.’ He demanded, a threatening edge to his voice.

Ed pushed past him, he made his way to the door stopping with his hand on the handle clutching it tightly.

‘You’re weak, it would take almost nothing for me to just take over.’ He reminded him, Ed could feel him right behind him. He closed his eyes tightly, knuckles white as he grasped the doorknob.

“I don’t care, if I’m in Arkham then you can’t hurt anybody else and I won’t have to worry about you hurting Oswald.” 

He jolted feeling the hand on his back, an aching in his brain that made him hiss in pain. 

‘You do that and I’ll find a way out, even if that means slaughtering half the staff and getting us gunned down by the GCPD.’

Ed leaned his forehead against the door, he trembled feeling the pain searing in his skull. “Okay,” he muttered, voice strained from the excruciating pain that he felt.

It lifted leaving him feeling weak, knees shaky. He backed away from the door, moved to the bed where he collapsed. There was a heavy exhaustion weighing down his body, but the room was silent once more. No more Riddler, no voice nagging or scratching inside his skull demanding all paranoid ramblings and violent fantasies be heard. Still though he felt perhaps being locked away would be for the best.

He stared up at the ceiling and remembered his father, a man currently in Black Gate where he had been locked up since Ed was a teenager. A place that he belonged or maybe not. Maybe he would be better off in a mental institute where they could treat him, find out what was wrong, how to help him. Ed wondered if he was doomed to be like his dad, to repeat those same vile and abhorrent mistakes. He rubbed his hands over his face, he could still see her face, and see his father. That look, a look seared into his brain, a look he himself had had upon his own face. 

George cawing pulled him from such memories.

“I suppose I should get you something to eat.” He muttered as he lifted himself up from the bed. He held out his arm, called for the bird to come to him.

George flew to him, perched himself on his arm, head turning to look at his surroundings as Ed carried him out of the bedroom, into the hall and down the stairs to the kitchen. Perhaps if he focused on the mundane then he wouldn’t remember the screams and the pain.


	18. Chapter 18

Ed sat on the floor, Martin seated across from him. He held his hands up in front of him, fingers moving at a pace he knew the boy could easily understand and catch onto as he tried to teach him to sign basic things, things he would need to know. Martin watched him closely, worked to mimic his hand movements, Ed grinned proud of how quickly the kid seemed to catch onto learning sign language. 

‘Good job.’ He signed to him, Martin smiled.

In the other room he could hear Oswald’s voice, he’d been on the phone with somebody for about forty-five minutes now, it was a safe assumption the person in question was Sophia Falcone. Ed felt something was going on, when he’d asked during dinner if there was anything wrong, Oswald of course had shrugged his question off and responded with an offhanded no.

Martin seemed to have the same curiosities about the phone conversation that Ed had, he looked towards the other room, their view mostly obscured by the door frame and furniture, but they could hear Oswald pacing. 

Martin retrieved his notepad, ‘Is something bad happening?’

“I don’t think so, not that I’d know anyway.” Ed responded, a slightly bitter tone to his voice.

He couldn’t help but be bitter. Realistically he knew he was being childish in all of this, he felt as if he’d become clingy after thawing out, he felt like he did when he’d worked at the GCPD; desperate for validation and friendship, following people who didn’t want him accompanying them. He wanted to spread his wings, he wanted to get out on his own and get back into the motions of being the Riddler; reigning terror down upon Gotham, but that only worked when he felt in control. He no longer felt like he was in control, himself as well as his other self were at war with each other. He wasn’t too sure where one began and the other ended, a realization that scared him.

“I’m sure everything is fine.” Ed assured, more so to himself than to Martin. “Let’s go over a couple more signs, just to kill time.” He suggested.

The boy was more than happy to agree to that, Ed was impressed by how attentive he was when it came to learning new things. In a way it made him think of himself, he couldn’t help but think that even if it brought about more than a few bad memories.

When Oswald re-entered the room he looked off, just for a moment. Ed watched him closely, watched as he slid his phone back into his pocket, adjusted his jacket, and put back on his calm resolve. Something was amiss, Ed was determined to figure out what it was sooner than later this time. 

“How are the lessons coming?” He asked, he ruffled Martin’s hair, the curly brown locks flopping over the boy’s face.

“Good, he’s catching onto it rather quickly. Makes a Hell of a student.” 

“Of course, he’s the smartest child in that entire orphanage.” Oswald bragged.

Ed bit back the urge to laugh, he had no doubt Martin was one of the smarter kids there, but the fact that Oswald so naturally carried the mentality of proud parent who felt their child was better than those around him was quite funny to see. He felt that years could pass, and he still wouldn’t be able to get used to seeing him this way. 

“Considering the educational system in Gotham, not surprising.” 

Ed got up from the floor, he stretched then adjusted his jacket and dress shirt. Martin stood as well, he joined Oswald’s side.

“I was actually thinking that once everything goes through, perhaps you could tutor him. I’d hate to try and find a suitable school for him; would you like that Martin?” He asked looking down at the boy, Martin nodded.

Ed smiled, he felt rather surprised and genuinely offered by the compliment towards his intelligence and capability, surprised that Oswald trusted him. Each little offer of trust left him endlessly surprised, it made him feel more like he belonged in this house, with him, a part of the makeshift family he was working his hardest to create.

“I’d definitely be honored to be his tutor.” 

Oswald smiled up at him, he placed a hand on Martin’s shoulder squeezing gently. “Excellent, I do appreciate it. Now my boy I think it’s time you go on up to bed.” 

There were no qualms about it, Martin took hold of Oswald’s hand. Ed watched the two as they turned to leave the room, Martin turned back long enough to sign ‘good night’ to Ed before they were off up the stairs.

Fatherhood; the idea of parents and parents looking after their children, protecting them, and wanting only the best for them. All of it was foreign to Ed, his classmates had had normal families, loving homes, and siblings. In college his dormmate and classmates would often go to visit their parents and grandparents. He thought about all the times Oswald talked about his own parents, despite his family situation being the slightest bit complicated and rather depressing in the end, his parents had loved him endlessly, and supported him in every way imaginable. Now Oswald was working to have a child of his own, he already seemed to be a rather good father; attentive and immensely protective. 

Ed sat down on the loveseat, he stared at the fireplace watching as the flames slowly rhythmically danced. He wondered about himself, not for the first time, but maybe for the millionth or so. He wondered if he could be a good father, if he was capable of taking care of a child, or if he was doomed like his own parents. 

He sighed heavily. Worst case scenario, he’d be like his father, the less terrible scenario he’d be like his mother or like her father. He chuckled realizing no matter what he was screwed.

Many things bothered Ed, deep down. Those fears and anxieties bubbled to the surface at a constant rate though, entering a more or less proper romantic relationship with Oswald only worsened those feelings. 

“Would you like a drink?”

Ed looked up, Oswald stood by the couch, he looked at him as if trying to assess what might be the matter. Ed wondered the same about him.

“Yes, please.” He responded, his voice sounded far off to himself.

Oswald went to retrieve said drink, he returned a moment later carrying two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. He seated himself next to Ed on the couch, he handed him one of the glasses, uncapped the bottle and poured the amber liquid into the glass before pouring himself a drink. 

Ed downed the drink, shivered at the horrid burn and the taste that he just never could quite enjoy. Oswald chuckled at his reaction before pouring him another drink, Ed watched him finish off his own drink. Swallowing it with ease, only wincing the slightest bit. Ed recalled many days and months ago Oswald had told him that he’d started drinking when he’d been thirteen, he’d sneak into the hidden supply of booze his mother hid in her bedroom.

“You seem to really be getting on well with Martin.” Oswald commented after a moment of silence.

“He’s a good kid, rare to see that in this place.” 

Good things always seemed to become tarnished or die in Gotham, he knew from personal experiences. 

Oswald nodded in agreement, downed his second drink before deciding to add onto that comment. “I really want it to stay that way, it’s complicated. I want, I want him to take over the Lounge and have the mansion and….I want to know that my legacy, my parents….all of this isn’t for nothing, but I don’t want him looking over his shoulder constantly.” 

He looked concerned, nervous even. This was an issue Ed knew he’d been having; the need and want to have his legacy as Penguin live on, but not wanting to continue on what he considered his family curse. Ed remembered Oswald telling him awhile ago that his father had told him how their family was cursed in a sense, his grandfather dealt with many violent thoughts and feelings only to take his own life. Ed wanted to explain with science and logic that curses and ghosts, none of it were real. His family on both sides had just believed too heavily in the supernatural to explain away things they couldn’t comprehend. He knew though it was no use, he looked down into his own glass remembering his deal with Basil Karlo. He knew how superstitious Oswald was, how deeply he believed in ghosts. 

“He can always create a new legacy.” Ed spoke softly, he downed his drink, reached for the bottle and poured himself another.

Pacing. He reminded himself.

“My parents wanted that for me. My mom thought I’d be like my father, my father was proud of me regardless, but I know he probably wished for better for me. There is so much about Martin that is exactly like me when I was his age, I don’t know if he can…..I don’t know if he can break the chain.” 

Ed placed a hand against his back lovingly rubbing, Oswald leaned against his side.

“You’re doing a terrific job with him, whatever he ends up doing he’s going to do amazingly well.”

Oswald didn’t respond, he nursed his drink, and stared off at nothing completely lost to memories and second guesses.

“I don’t think I can ever forget the night my mom found out about me, what I am, what I’ve done.” He kept close to Ed’s side as if seeking him out for comfort as he automatically spoke about pained memories. “It, it all just felt like a game then. I was stupid and naïve, I did things, and I didn’t feel real consequences could occur. I didn’t think people from our world, from our line of work could touch her, could hurt her.” 

Ed wrapped an arm around his waist, held him, let him talk.

“Maroni was right, she….She always knew, she just….She didn’t want to believe it. That night, when we were home she just….She was so scared and worried, I’d been absolutely petrified. I felt that if I told her, if I admitted to it that she would be scared of me.” Tears rolled down his cheeks, Ed pressed a kiss to the top of his head wanting to offer some faint symbol of comfort to remind him he was here and with him. 

“I lied….I felt like….I felt like a child, I could tell that she wasn’t angry with me, but what should I have done? Just told her that I’d stabbed and gutted, shot, and mutilated dozens of people? I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t bring myself to break her heart like that after all she’d done and sacrificed to give me the best life possible. She would have blamed herself for it, for me, I think she did either way…..She just did what mothers always do, offered to help me as if it was a problem she could make go away.” 

Ed could feel him trembling, he reached for the glass taking it from his hand and setting it on the table. He knew how he could get, how deep into a fit of depression he could fall if he kept drinking and dwelling on memories like that.

“You know that she would be proud of you, regardless.” Ed softly reminded, the words felt weak and unnecessary. He wasn’t the right person to tell him these things, he had no right to really speak about those people.

Oswald wiped at his eyes, he smiled that weary forced smile to try and make himself calm down. 

“I suppose you might be right, you typically are right.” He mused, he reached for his hand lacing their fingers together. “I must admit these days I feel rather guilty that I’ve never inquired about you….What about your family?”

Ed sat his own glass on the table, he set his gaze on the fire feeling calmed by it. “It’s a lot, I’ve been thinking about them more lately.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it that’s okay.” 

He shook his head, gave his hand a gentle reassuring squeeze. “No, it’s….I feel like I should tell you, I never tell you anything.” 

Long ago he used to tell people very little about himself, because they didn’t seem to care. Over time though it became a defense mechanism, he kept secrets, kept himself locked away from those in his life, because they couldn’t hurt him if they didn’t know his fears and his triggers. That was a rule Oswald had taught him, ironic and hypocritical considering how the man always wore his bleeding and broken heart on his sleeve, willing to share his heartache and tragedies with those who were kind enough to listen.

“My parents they, they weren’t like your parents…..I almost envy the type of parents you had. Mine, my mom tried so hard for me; she was kind, but shy and timid. She was always so scared of what could happen, of the unknown, it’s what kept her from leaving him. My dad was-“ he paused, nervously chewed at his bottom lip as he thought of even what to say. The words that came to mind were ‘he was like me, I’m like him.’

“He….He had a Hell of a temper, I didn’t understand it when I was little. He worked various jobs, he did them well….The man was a perfectionist when he wanted to be, but his moods and the things he said were odd. I didn’t get it when I was little, I couldn’t get it.” 

Mentally ill, diagnosed too late, his addiction to alcohol was intense. Nobody had taken notice of signs, nobody had taken him to the side and just talked to him, it just became a running thing that Jonathan Nashton was the local alcoholic with the strange kid and the beautiful quiet wife.

“One time I-I had completed this puzzle, a competition at school. Admittedly I’d cheated, I’d just wanted to be on top for once, I’d hoped to make my parents proud of me, but it didn’t work out well. The teachers never found out that I’d cheated, but dad knew. Somehow, he knew. I’d come home so happy, I’d told him that I’d won, that I was the smartest kid in the entire class.” Ed paused, smiled sadly as he stared into the fire. “He hit me across the face, hard enough to knock me on the ground, and told me that I was a liar. He said that he knew I had to have cheated, that I’m not smart, I’m just a cheat and a liar.” He laughed, the sound harsh and bitter, awkward and hung heavy in the air. “He was right of course, I am.”

He could feel Oswald touching him, his touch loving and gentle, but it felt so faint and distant as he drowned himself in memories.

“I’m sorry he treated you that way.” 

Ed shrugged, “I didn’t get it as bad as mom.” 

“Where are your parents now?” Oswald inquired, voice gentle. The question was so simple, one that could quite easily be answered.

“I should actually take you to meet my mom sometime, her grave is in the cemetery near the edge of the city. It’s actually been a long time since I’ve paid a visit to it.” 

Visiting her grave made him feel strange, a part of him never really felt like it was real, that she was buried six feet under. Only a cheap crumbling stone marked her grave, her family had disowned her so long ago, her funeral had been sparse, most mourners there to gossip and there out of guilt for not realizing she had been abused by her husband. 

“Is your father dead too?” Oswald inquired, Ed could tell that he felt bad for him. 

“No, he’s actually locked away in Black Gate prison, he has been for a long time now. He, he’s the-“ He paused, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Oswald squeezed his hand as if wanting to let him know that it was oaky, he didn’t have to talk about this if it was too painful. “He killed her. Mom had, she’d finally planned on leaving him. We had everything set up, our bags packed, but he’d found out. He’d been drinking, he was so angry, and I-I remember standing at the bottom of the stairs. I was near the front door waiting, he kept pushing her, screaming at her. I was gripping the doorknob so damn tightly, I was just frozen there watching.” He hit his fist against his knee. “I should have done something instead of just standing there watching, I should have protected her.”

Tears rolled down his cheeks, he jiggled his leg feeling that frustration from such a long time ago. Even now he could hear the yelling, hear the sound as she smacked his cheek in defiance, and told him she was leaving. He remembered her turning to leave, the moment her left foot hit the first step he’d grabbed her arm. She had pulled, tried to jerk away from him. Before anybody knew it she was falling, tumbling down the stairs, head banging hard against the wall on the way down. He could even now hear the snap, the sound of her neck.

Oswald pulled him against him, kissed his forehead. Ed looked at him, grounded himself in the now. He was home, he was with Oswald. 

“That day when I shot you, I felt like him. The look on his face when mom fell down the stairs, he looked like he’d just woken up to a living nightmare. That’s, that’s how I felt when I watched you….” He trailed off, hid his face against the side of his neck.

Oswald kept a protective hold on him, he offered him comfort that he knew he needed without having to ask for it out loud. 

“Perhaps we should go up to bed ourselves.” He suggested.

Ed nodded, pulled from his embrace and stood up, he held his hand out in offer. Oswald took hold of his hand allowing Ed to help him get up from the sofa, he wrapped an arm around his waist offering support as they made their way towards the stairs and up to their bedroom. Oswald paused outside their room, he leaned up kissing him on the cheek before leaving his side going to the bedroom next to theirs. Ed followed him in, watched Oswald go over to the queen-sized bed that was comically huge for such a small child. Oswald pet his fingers through Martin’s hair, he smiled down at him, and Ed knew he was proud of him. 

“I love you,” he whispered before turning away, he returned to Ed taking hold of his hand as they made their way to their room.

There was silence in the solitude of their room, a strange new comforted silence as they undressed. Ed crawled into bed, finding safety and comfort under the expensive comforter, it smelled heavily of Oswald’s cologne, he remembered many restless nights curled up in this bed, in his spot just needing to feel like he was still around. He watched as Oswald undressed, surprised and a bit confused to see him go without a tank top, his torso fully exposed. He could tell that he was self-conscious; he was wearing his pain on his sleeve again, showing scars that at times made him feel worn and deformed. 

Ed couldn’t help but stare, gaze at the map of marks on his skin that were harsh against the endless freckles that decorated perfectly pale skin. Oswald climbed into bed, a small distance between them as they lay together. Cautiously Ed reached out, he tentatively touched the harsh angry scar on his stomach. Oswald closed his eyes, breath heavy as he allowed Ed to touch that part of him. His fingers traced the mark, it was bigger than it should be; big from where the bullet had ripped, where debris and anxious fingers ripped at the wound tearing away skin. Ed pressed a kiss to his shoulder, pressed his palm over the scar; he wanted to heal him, he wanted to take away the ache and the pain of that scar and of that moment. He didn’t want to see him like this, anxious and tensing under his touch. Ed pulled his hand away, kept to himself, he whispered an apology though anymore it felt useless.

Words meant nothing, they didn’t bring back the dead or fix what had been said. 

Oswald turned to face him, wrapped an arm around his waist and pressed himself close against him. Ed buried his fingers in his hair, kept him close. He sighed, he enjoyed feeling the warmth of his body against him. It was a feeling that he knew he would always love, something he didn’t want to forget. He knew and feared that one day he wouldn’t have this luxury anymore, that tragedy would rip it away from him, he didn’t deserve him or this.


	19. Chapter 19

Ed was wrapped around him, one long leg hooked over his hip and his arm wrapped around his waist. Oswald felt his warm breath against his throat, could feel the gentle tickle of curled hair against his chin. He allowed himself to just touch along his back, his shoulder and his bicep. He breathed in the scent of cologne and shampoo, breathed in his scent and stalled the inevitable that he would need to get out of bed, that he would need to continue on with his life and his plans. All of which he kept Ed out of, he knew he wanted to know; he kept asking questions that Oswald avoided or lied about. It was only fair they both could lie.

Oswald carefully pulled away from his partner’s embrace, removed his arm from around his waist. Right as he moved to get up Ed reached out grabbing his arm gently tugging. He looked down to see Ed looking up at him with bleary eyes, he couldn’t help but smile looking down at him. He leaned down kissing his forehead, Ed moved to kiss him gently as he gave another tug to his arm wanting him back in bed with him.

“I’ll be back.” Oswald whispered against his lips.

Ed let go, fingers brushing against his arm before pulling away. Oswald kissed him, lips lingering against his. He liked the sleepy morning kisses, the languid touches, and if time permitted then gentle love making. This wasn’t one of those mornings though, he wished that it were. 

He pulled away from him, he watched as Ed pulled the comforter up over his head shielding himself from the sun that invaded the room through the window. Oswald went on with bathing then dressing, he hummed to himself as he slicked his hair back and looked at his own reflection. He very rarely looked at himself, he found his own face wasn’t something he was overly fond of seeing. Even he could see how exhausted he was, he could feel this sort of anxiety building up within himself, a knowledge that sooner than later this all was going to be going to shit. He just hoped he could keep his family together for once. That’s all he asked for at the end of this.

He sighed, turned and walked away from the mirror. He made his way downstairs and towards the dining room, he paused outside of the room. He could hear a voice from inside, he furrowed his brow confused until he recognized the voice. He quickly entered the room.

At the table sat Martin, next to him sat Victor Zsasz; he had the sleeve of his shirt rolled up, black gloved finger pointing at the tally mark cuts that littered his arms. Martin looked at the scars, nodding between bites of his breakfast.

“See, this one here I did after I decapitated a man in Hawaii.”

“Victor, how did you get in?” 

The two looked up at him, Martin smiled giving a short wave at his father, Oswald smiled back at him. 

“The kid let me in.” 

Oswald sighed, “I told you to call or at least text me before you show up.”

“Look you told me not to barge into your bedroom anymore cause you and Nygma are hooking up, I thought I was being polite this time.” Victor complained, exasperated and confused.

Oswald rolled his eyes, he didn’t respond. He’d been hoping for a peaceful morning, he laughed to himself as he entered the kitchen realizing that his life never had been peaceful. He supposed maybe he enjoyed the hectic chaos of having others in his home, he remembered sharing his home with Ivy, Victor Fries, and Bridgit. He remembered the bickering and the fighting, complaints from his housemates, how alive it made the mansion feel for the first time in a long time. 

He poured himself a cup of coffee then returned to the dining room, Victor was back to recounting his list of kills to Martin who seemed far too happy to hear about such things. Oswald wasn’t sure if he was proud or concerned about his son’s love for violence.

“So, is there a reason you’re here other than to tell my son about all the people you’ve killed?” Oswald inquired, a bite of annoyance in his tone.

“Oh yeah, Sophia knows what you’re up to, or at least I think that she knows.”

Oswald tensed, a sense of panic hitting him as he stared at Victor with wide eyes.

“What….What do you mean you think she knows?” He asked, voice strained as he tried to keep himself calm.

Victor rolled down his sleeve. “About you flaking out on killing Gordon, I think she knows.”

Oswald took a deep breath, closed his eyes and counted to ten. He was not going to lose his temper, he promised himself some time ago that he wouldn’t go off on violent fits. Relapses did happen though.

“Why do you think that she knows and how do you know?”

“C’mon boss everybody knows you like Gordon. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy, I have a lot of respect for the man. Nobody really believed that you were going to go through with it, well except for Sophia, but that might be out the window now.” 

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

“Martin, how about you go play in your room for a bit while I discuss business with Victor.” He suggested, forcing a smile as he looked at his son who was watching him.

Despite only being ten Martin knew a lot, he could tell when his father was on the verge of a breakdown, but he knew not to question. He simply nodded, signed for okay and then headed off to his room. 

Oswald rubbed his hands over his face groaning, he slammed his fist down on the tabletop, the sound echoing in the room.

“Is she pissed?” He asked, he knew the answer to the question, but he still wanted it confirmed.

Perhaps there was an off chance that she wouldn’t be angry, that she would understand that this was difficult for him. He recalled when she originally had broached the topic, that sad girl look in those big brown eyes as she held his hand. How she spoke about Gordon shooting her brother multiple times, the devastation it caused not just her but her father as well, how it practically broke him. He remembered feeling terrible for her, knowing too well what it was like to have the ones you loved horrifically murdered, pulled from you permanently. He felt for her, had held her while she cried remembering her brother’s murder and how it could have been avoided. 

She at the time had seemed to possibly understand the difficulty of the request to kill Gordon, she knew the history, knew all he’d done for Oswald, but she also knew all the wrongs he’d done towards him. Oswald had agreed in time, he knew that if he wanted to remain on his throne and keep his iron grip on the city that he needed their respect, and if Gordon continued living despite his crimes then he’d lose respect. He’d be seen as a snitch again, seen as Gordon’s lap dog.

“She seems calm, that’s never good.” Victor spoke carefully, he knew the Falcone family better than anybody else.

Carmine had been the first long term employer that Victor had ever had, once he’d retired to Florida Victor had immediately found himself by Oswald’s side, the only other person who treated him less like a walking weapon and more like a man.

“Do you think she might understand if I talk to her?”

Victor stared at him then shrugged. He slid the plate of food that Martin had been eating before towards himself, began poking at then eventually eating the scraps that remained. Oswald considered telling him he could make his own breakfast, he tended to go through the kitchen for himself anyway, but he was too panicked and mildly pissed to care about that right now.

“You could try, but Jim did kind of riddle her brother with bullets.” 

Oswald buried his face in his hands groaning. 

“Hey there’s your boyfriend.” 

Oswald lifted his head, he looked to see Ed standing in the doorway looking between the two of them. 

“Good morning is everything alright?” Ed asked, he went around the table seating himself next to Oswald. On instinct he reached for his hand lacing their fingers together, he felt the slightest bit calmer having him by his side like this.

“Still weird seeing you guys together. Does he know?” Victor asked nodding towards Ed.

Ed looked from Victor to Oswald, Oswald glared at Victor. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Know what?”

He sighed heavily, momentarily considered skinning Victor alive, but then decided against it. Outside of Ed, Victor was currently his only other friend.

“It’s nothing, just some business that I’m han-“

“He changed his mind on the hit on Gordon, Sophia found out about it.”

“Victor!”

Victor stared at him, shrugged seeming the slightest bit offended that he yelled at him. 

“What’s he talking about?” Ed asked, there was a tone to his voice that exposed how nervous and possibly angry he was.

The last thing he liked was being left in the dark, the dark was where Oswald had thrown him into for months now, it kept things easy and simple.

“We can talk about this later.” 

He didn’t want to discuss this now, he didn’t want to have to sit and tell Ed about the things he had missed out on for months now. He wanted to continue on keeping personal and business separate, keeping Ed to himself in this strange complicated sort of relationship, he didn’t want the downsides and disappointments that came along with business.

“Does this have anything to do with the phone call yesterday?” Ed questioned.

Oswald looked away from him, he looked down at their still joined hands, and wondered just how fragile this was. How fragile this strained pieced back together kind of love could be.

“Victor, would you mind giving us some privacy?”

“So, you want me to leave or just wait in the living room?”

“Leave, please.” His voice was strained, anger just barely contained.

After a pause Victor got up and made his way out of the room. Oswald waited, listened to the now thick and heavy silence that hung in the air. Ed gave his hand a squeeze, he considered lying, he’d lie terribly, but at least then he could cling onto this just for a little while longer.

He let go of Ed’s hand, got up from his seat, Ed followed suit.

“What was he talking about, what hit on Gordon?”

Oswald stood facing him, straightened his back and attempted to put on some mask of bravery and certainty. He wanted to pretend that the walls weren’t crumbling, that the throne made of blood and bone wasn’t falling out from beneath him.

“Sophia Falcone approached me some time ago, she asked me to either give her a permit to kill Gordon or to kill him for her. I didn’t agree at first, but then I weighed the options. If I want respect then I need to kill Gordon, but I-I can’t do it.” 

He felt that heavy anxiety weighing down his chest thinking about killing Jim. He didn’t want to care this deeply about a man who let him rot in Arkham asylum, he knew deep down that at the end of the day Jim very possibly didn’t care about any of them. 

“Why can’t you do it?” The question was simple, he knew that just maybe there was absolutely no reason.

It would be easy. He pictured it in his head, he pictured placing the gun against his temple, staring into his eyes as he pulled the trigger. He swallowed hard, shook his head, and turned away from Ed.

“I just can’t.”

Petulant like a child, irritated and ready to become defensive over this. 

Ed grabbed his arm, grip firm. 

“You told her that you’d do it then why can’t you?”

Oswald pulled away from his grasp, he began pacing. He could feel eyes on him, momentarily he worried Ed would slip away, and he’d be having a much more intense conversation with Riddler.

“I thought that I could okay, I thought that it would be easy. I planned out a million different ways I could kill him and make it easier on myself, but I just can’t do it. I feel sick when I think about it and I can’t just let her do what she wants to do to him, she wants to torture him.”

“He killed her brother, I hate the woman, but she has every right to want Gordon to suffer for what he did to her.” 

Oswald turned to face him, he could see the intensity in his dark eyes. “What he did was terrible, but-“

“He had no choice, Mario was too far gone, and he was a lost cause.” Ed filled the rest in for him, a tone of bitter sarcasm to his voice.

“He panicked, you would have too if you were in that situation.”

Anybody would have, Oswald knew what it was like to not think clearly, to panic when it came to somebody that you loved and would do anything to keep safe. 

Ed was quiet for a moment, Oswald smirked realizing at least at the moment Ed couldn’t tell him that he was wrong.

“I suppose if you tell her that if she makes it a clean kill, no torture then it’ll be fine. She’ll understand, might be a bit annoyed, but I’m sure she’ll get over it.” Ed rationalized, he chewed on his thumb nail.

“There’s no hit, nobody is killing Jim.”

Ed stopped, stared down at him. He could feel the judgement.

“You can’t be serious.”

“I am”

“Gordon is the biggest problem that we collectively have. He’s ruined and abandoned and turned on so many of us, he treats us like we’re filthy animals until he needs us for something.” Ed argued, he stood close, too close really.

There was something predatory and angry about him, a hate brewing inside of him that Oswald understood.

“He wants the same thing I do for the city, he wants it cleaned up. He makes mistakes, but he’s not completely horrible.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying this right now. He let you confess to a murder you didn’t even commit, he didn’t care about you or what Theo did to your mom. He pretended to be my friend, he didn’t give a damn about what I was going through or that I was being harassed at work. When he finally saw me, saw what I had become he just treated me like I was a thing. He doesn’t care about us and you, he treats you like crap until he needs your help and then the second he has what he needs he goes back to treating you like a monster.”

Oswald was silent, he shoved past Ed and made his way into the living room. Ed followed closely behind, roughly grabbed his arm and pulled. Oswald jerked away from him, turned and glared up at him.

“I don’t need your advice, what is happening right now isn’t even any of your concern.” He bit back, anger in his words as he glared up at him.

“I want to help, if she knows that you’ve changed your mind then she’s going to not only come after you but Martin as well. She’s going to take everything, is Gordon really worth that?”

Oswald stared down at the floor, he took steadying breaths as the weight of everything fell on him. Ed was right, he didn’t want to face the fact that he was right, but he knew that he was. He knew that Falcone would come after their home, she would take and destroy everything, and Oswald would fight her tooth and nail. It didn’t matter if he won or lost, he knew that either way Gordon wouldn’t appreciate him defending him.

“We’ll be fine, I’m not going to let her hurt my son or you.” He said looking up at him again.

Ed looked disgusted, a look that Oswald had seen a few times before. It was a look that made his heart break, took him back to a time where he felt unsure and disgusted about himself. Ed took a step back from him.

“What you’re doing is stupid, you’re a smart man Oswald. Just tell her that she can kill Gordon, have Zsasz put a bullet in his head. This, losing your home, your fortune…All of this that you fought to get back, he isn’t worth it. He’s a monster parading around wearing the mask of a human, he’s just as filthy as the rest of us, but thinks that he isn’t.”

“Stop it. I-This isn’t….None of this is your concern, I didn’t even want you to know about this.”

“So what, you were just going to handle this on your own? Just lie to me, tell me you’re going to the Lounge and then I get a call that Sophia Falcone killed you.” 

He could see the tears glistening in his eyes, Oswald had the urge to comfort him. To swear to him that he wouldn’t die, but he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Not now.

“That isn’t going to happen, just try not to worry about this. I don’t want or need your advice on how to handle this, I spent a year doing just fine without you.” 

The words left his mouth and hung heavy between them.

“Why keep me around then? Why not just re-freeze me, put me back on display so you can make a joke out of my existence some more? I didn’t ask to be thawed out, I asked you to just kill me.” There was hurt and anger in his words.

The confrontation that he had problems that Oswald didn’t want to bring up. 

“I couldn’t do that to you.” 

“So, this is better, just have me as the stay at home boyfriend while you go out and piss off the daughter of one of the most powerful mobsters in the city? If you’d just come to me and asked me about this, asked for my opinion then I would have told you my honest opinion. You could have avoided this.”

“When should I have come to you for advice then?” Oswald asked, he took a step closer to him, looked at him with daring and exhaustion. Whatever was occurring was set in motion, words and feelings bubbling to the surface. “Should I have asked you about this when you were sniveling in the corner, in pain and unable to think clearly or maybe I should have asked you for advice one of the times you were high off your ass on prescriptions you’ve stolen.”

Ed’s eyes widened, he opened his mouth to speak, but no sounds came out. He took two steps back, hands trembling. “What?”

“I know about the pills Ed. You tell me that I’m smart, that you have faith in me, but you underestimate me every damn time. I saw your records from Arkham; I know about your suicide attempts, I know about your schizophrenia and your DID….I know you.” He spoke coolly even if he felt like an anxious mess.

Ed simply stared at him, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Please,” was all he managed out, the word choked. 

“Please what?” Oswald asked, he felt worn and exhausted.

Months and a year worth of issues, of secrets and silence finally out in the open. Every word never spoken between them, every secret kept, and the issues finally laid out bare between them. It felt like bleeding out, a soul sucking pain that left the air cold and still between them just waiting for what could possibly come next.

Ed took a step towards him, reached out to touch him, but paused in his actions. Oswald could feel the fear, the fear that was both his and his own. He felt the urge to apologize, to apologize for not helping, for not understanding him; he felt like apologizing for just pretending everything was okay even when he knew that it wasn’t. He wanted to apologize for leaving him in the darkness, for not reaching out to him and helping him when he needed him.

Oswald took hold of his hand, brought it up to his lips and pressed a kiss against the back of it. He looked up at him, watched him as he silently cried. He could hear the gears in his brain churning, working through confusion and pure terror. If Sophia reacted as badly as they knew she would then there was a chance he’d die, that they were all at risk. He moved towards him, Ed wrapped his arms around his waist and embraced him, he hid his face against the side of his neck. Oswald felt his fingers curling in the back of his shirt as he clung to him, Oswald held him back.

“Please, I can’t lose you.” 

The fear of death, the fear of being abandoned and tossed to the side like he’d been so many times before. Oswald closed his eyes, curled his fingers in his hair and just held him. He felt his hot tears splash against the side of his neck. He wanted to promise to help him, to hold him for eternity and keep him safe. He wanted to tell him that he would ensure that Sophia wouldn’t lay a hand on him or Martin, that their family would be safe. He wanted to tell him that he wanted to marry him someday, that he wanted to raise Martin with him, wanted to make a family with him that would be strange but one of their own. He wanted to promise to help him with his addictions with his depression and his pain, but the words died in his throat. Instead he held him, allowed him to cry and cling to him as if this was their last day on Earth.


	20. Chapter 20

Ed stared down at his drink, he gave the glass a gentle shake watching the deep red liquid inside rustle like blood red ocean waves. He most times preferred a white wine, but Oswald preferred red, and once or twice blood apparently but that was a story for another time he always claimed. Ed lifted the glass to his lips, took a sip as if stalling on time. If he took his time, then the inevitable couldn’t occur. 

To his right sat Oswald, he knew he was watching him. A tense silence had come over them an hour ago, once Ed’s fit of crying and near full breakdown had subsided there had only just been silence and tearful sloppy kisses. Somehow that had lead to this, to sitting on a sofa they had sat on many times before in their past, and drinking wine that cost more than Ed’s old apartment. He placed the glass on the table, he leaned his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. He felt perhaps if he focused hard enough he could force time to work backwards, that suddenly he’d open his eyes and be back in his apartment, that he’d find Oswald in his pajamas that were two sizes too big and curled up in his bed. 

He felt a hand on his knee, a gentle worried squeeze that questioned if he was okay. They both knew that he wasn’t, nothing felt okay anymore. Ed felt raw and exposed, a dull throbbing in the back of his skull as he realized that Oswald knew, he always known about him and his addictions. He placed a hand on top of his, stroked his fingers against the back of Oswald’s hand. He opened his eyes and turned his head to face him, smiled sadly as he realized they were still here and not back during a better time. He should have kissed him then.

Oswald looked beautiful in the firelight, tragic and exhausted, young, but worn to Hell and back. Ed chuckled realizing they were both so young, too young for the things they had experienced and the horrors they had unleashed upon the city they claimed as their home. 

“I love you” Ed whispered, his voice was soft and low the words near inaudible.

He felt choked up again, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Oswald reached up, brushed his thumb against his cheek brushing the tear away. Ed took hold of his wrist, turned his head to press a kiss against the palm of his hand then against his wrist, lips lingering against the veins they showed through his pale skin. A tangle of purple and blue veins, blood flowed through him, beneath the pale freckled skin was muscle and viscera, he was alive, and solid and warm. 

Oswald pulled his hand away, Ed felt a coldness in suddenly losing his touch and closeness.

“I know you don’t want to, but there’s business we need to discuss. Just, just in case that things go wrong.” Oswald started.

Ed felt that building panic and nausea; it was inevitable no matter what, stalling only left them unprepared for what could happen.

“I was hoping perhaps I’d have longer and things could go differently, more time to plan, but it looks like I don’t really get that.”

Ed wanted to scold him for talking like that, for talking like this was genuinely his last day alive. He felt they had already lost so much time, that the grains were running out in the hour glass and soon he’d be plunged into darkness with no light in sight.

“I do want Martin to run the Iceberg Lounge, obviously he’s far too young to be left in charge so I’m leaving all of that to you. I trust that you’ll be able to run things just fine, maybe even better than I have been. The mansion, the cars, all of that I want the both of you to have; I want you to be Martin’s guardian….I know I haven’t been able to legally adopt him yet and I’m not even sure if it’ll happen, but I want you to try to adopt him as your own if something happens to me.”

Ed stared down at the floor, he nervously jiggled his leg. All of this was sudden, he silently cursed himself for not figuring out what was going on sooner. The more he thought about it the more obvious it was, that the hit on Gordon, betraying Sophia were the things he’d been hiding from him in all this time. It still hurt that he hadn’t come to him, that he felt that he couldn’t; Ed knew to an extent it was his own fault for just turning to pills and distancing himself from somebody he used to be so terribly close to. 

“I had…. Before, a few times really I had actually-I had wanted to…..” Oswald trailed off, he sounded suddenly nervous and Ed worried about what he could have to say. “I-I wanted to marry you.” The words came out in a desperate rush. 

Ed’s breath caught in his throat hearing those words, the implications and meaning. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, fought the urge to fall apart for a second time in a single day. He tensed when Oswald moved closer, he felt his hand on his shoulder, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to laugh or scream. He opened his eyes and looked towards him, he could see the fear in his brilliantly green eyes and knew he was terrified that the confession had angered him. Ed reached up touching his fingers against his cheek. 

“Before I hurt you or after?” He softly asked.

“Both, I know it’s foolish.”

“It’s not, it’s foolish that you keep talking like you plan on dying tonight.”

He wanted to beg him to not go speak to Sophia Falcone, they both knew she was waiting. If she didn’t know about Oswald going back on his word then he planned on telling her tonight, either way there was a high risk of death. 

“I admit I’m a bitch to kill, but I can’t count on luck all the time.” Oswald responded, smiled.

Ed remembered how lonely it was that month when Oswald had been ‘dead’. How empty the mansion had felt, the sense of death and depression had been so overwhelming, he wasn’t sure he could go through that again. He wasn’t sure if he could handle raising Martin on his own, if he could be a good father or if he would end up like his own dad. 

“I can go with you tonight, you don’t have to go alone.”

“Darling, I’m going to have Victor and several people from my gang with me. I’m not alone.”

“You know what I mean.”

Oswald gently touched along his neck. “I remember you nearly being choked to death by Butch Gilzean over a year ago just for me. I know you Ed, I know you’d be too willing to take a bullet for me.”

“Then let me come along.”

He shook his head. “I can’t. I need you to stay here with Martin, keep an eye on him and make sure that he’s safe. I can’t just let him go back to being parentless and alone.”

He wanted to argue, but he knew he was right. The boy didn’t deserve to lose the only two guardians he really had, Ed knew what it was like to be alone, and scared that things could never get better. Nobody deserved to feel that way.

He merely nodded, he leaned in kissing him gently. Oswald curled his fingers in his hair, kept him close as he deepened the kiss for a moment before it ended. 

“About your marriage proposal, does the offer still stand?” Ed inquired.

Oswald chuckled, he scratched his nails against his scalp. “It’s rude to tease.”

“I’m not teasing, I’m being serious.” 

Oswald kissed him again, he placed his hand against the back of his neck, Ed nipped at his bottom lip. He laid back on the sofa pulling Ed down on top of him. Ed happily settled on his lap to the best of his ability, long legs hardly fitting on the piece of furniture. He touched along his partner’s side, moaned at the sudden deep passion in the kiss. Ed moved to kiss along his jaw and down his throat, he nipped at his skin before pulling back.

“I would you know.”

“Would what?”

“Marry you.” 

Oswald placed a hand against his cheek, fingers brushing against his skin. He stared up at him as if trying to discern if he was screwing with him or not. 

“We should go upstairs.” 

Ed removed himself from his lap, he got up from the sofa and held out his hand to the other man. Oswald took hold of his hand allowing his partner to help him up from the couch, he retrieved his cane from beside the sofa and the two of them headed towards the stairs. Ed worried that perhaps he had really changed his mind on the entire topic, he worried that after tonight he would never see him again, and that he’d be left pulling together the pieces and slowly and horrifically murdering Sophia Falcone followed by Jim Gordon.

He opened the bedroom door gesturing for Oswald to enter before himself, the other man chuckled and shook his head as he stepped past him and entered the room. Ed followed behind him closing the door behind him. 

Ed stood by the bed, he watched as Oswald made his way over to the dresser that sat to the right of the door leading into the bathroom. He felt this sort of anxiety as he watched him open the top drawer and begin rifling through it, after a moment he pulled out a small black box holding it up and smiling as he looked at it. Ed swallowed hard, sight fixed on him unable to really look anywhere else. Oswald turned to face him, Ed took a couple of steps towards him meeting him halfway. Oswald held the box in his hand, smiled as he stared down at it.

“I bought this far too long ago, you would laugh at me if I told you exactly how soon I had bought it.” 

“You know me better than that.” Ed gently chastised.

Oswald looked up at him, “I do, but you see I….You’ve seen me at my worst too many times, I never really imagined a man as smart or handsome as you would ever, would ever agree to marry me. I’m still not sure really.”

Ed kissed him gently, “I’m positive.” He whispered against his lips.

He seemed to take that as a sign to believe him, Ed knew self-doubt wasn’t the only reason he was stalling. If he died tonight then maybe in a sense none of this mattered, it would just be another painful memory and another painful reminder on top of so many others. 

Oswald opened the box, he removed the gold band from inside. He took hold of Ed’s hand gently holding it in his own, he held steady eye contact as he slipped the band onto his ring finger. There was a weight to it that felt more symbolic of this, of what they shared and what they suffered than anything else. Ed could picture him spending a good hour or two in the jewelry store, making sure he got the most expensive ring and just the right size. 

Ed looked down at his hand, eyes fixed on the band that now adorned his ring finger. He couldn’t help but grin seeing it there, how many times in his life he thought just perhaps he could marry, that the right person would come along and he wouldn’t ruin things. For just a moment he wanted to pretend that this was a new beginning instead of the beginning of their ending. 

He placed his hand against his cheek, he leaned in kissing him deeply. Oswald placed a hand against his hip pulling him close to himself. He felt safe and secure being close to him, feeling the firm warmth of his body. Ed bit and sucked against his bottom lip before moving on to trailing kisses down along the side of his neck. His hands worked to remove the jacket his partner wore, he felt a low frustration as he began unbuttoning his dress shirt, undressing a man who wore so much was frustrating during certain moods. Oswald pet his fingers through his hair, chuckled at the frustrated groan. He gave Ed’s hair a tug before stepping back from him, Ed watched as he undressed himself. He felt a certain fixation seeing each inch of pale freckled skin revealed, each faded or angry looking scar that decorated his body like a morbid map of his life. Ed reached out gingerly touching each mark, he touched him like he could disappear at any moment. 

He leaned down pressing a kiss against his shoulder. Oswald began unbuttoning his shirt, Ed closed his eyes sighing as he felt warm calloused fingers touching against his bare chest and stomach. He trailed kisses along his skin, lips lingering against the scar on his shoulder, it didn’t matter how many times they could be intimate with each other, every time he found himself needing to memorize him. He wanted to etch his taste and scent and the lovely sounds he made into his brain, especially now just in case this was the last time. 

“I love you,” he breathed against his skin, warm breath tickling Oswald’s skin causing him to shiver.

Ed couldn’t help but grin when the other man pushed him back towards the bed then onto it, his hands moved to his hips his grip firm. He stared up at the man who straddled his lap, could see that lust and intense burning passion in his eyes. Ed leaned up, placed a hand against the back of his neck and drew him in kissing him hard. He bit and sucked against his bottom lip, he pressed his tongue into his eager waiting mouth, his hand slipped down the front of his unfastened dress pants, fingers wrapping around his hardened cock as he slowly stroked him. Oswald rolled his hips, thrust into his fist, Ed gave his cock a gentle squeeze and swallowed the deep moan his actions earned.

Oswald touched him, touched scars on his skin that he now understood. He kissed along the side of his neck, bit and sucked hard against his skin drawing hisses and moans from the man under him. Ed circled his thumb around the tip of his cock, stroked him faster then slowed his pace again. He closed his eyes tilting his head to the side, mouth hanging open, he whimpered and moaned at the harsh lovely sting of those teeth biting his skin. Familiar lips kissed along his collar bones, traced over a horrible tattoo that he seemed to love or find fascination in. Oswald pushed Ed back against the bed, worked to unbuckle his belt, the sound of metal clacking caused arousal to pool in the pit of Ed’s stomach and he could never explain why that sound did what it did to him. He tangled his fingers in now messed black and purple hair, tugged hard pulling his fiancé up to kiss him again. Fiance. The word rolled around in his brain. He arched his back, hips rolling pressing against the fingers that were now pressing inside of him. He begged and moaned, his voice hoarse and rough, neediness tainting his words as he felt fingers pumping in and out. He lifted his hips making it easier for Oswald to slide his pants and boxers down and off. He hooked one leg around his lover’s lower back pulling him in close. Oswald leaned his forehead against his, both men breathing heavily as they stared at each other. Ed kept his fingers curled in his hair, gentle scratching. With his other hand he guided his partner’s cock towards his entrance, he felt hands on his hips, grip tight and bruising leaving marks that would remind him that he was real and that he had been here with him. 

Ed reached up, touched against his cheek and jaw, he leaned up kissing him lovingly. He needed him, he needed him like oxygen. He moaned against his lips shivering as he felt his cock entering him, he thrust back against him driving him in deeper enjoying the intimacy of being stretched and filled by the one person he trusted regardless of the wounds they inflicted upon one another.

“Love you,” he whispered against his lips.

Their movements were rhythmic and slow, deep and passionate as if desperate to stay connected and grounded. Ed kept his legs locked around his back, heels digging against his lower back and he pulled him in close until his thrusts were hard and deep barely having the space to pull out. He lightly scratched over his shoulders, bit his bottom lip, and enjoyed that intense love-struck passion in his fiance’s eyes as he stared down at him. Oswald kissed along his jaw, nipped against his skin, nuzzled against his neck as he thrust into him. Ed closed his eyes moaning and sighing, begging and praising him between each heavy short breath and lustful sound. He could feel that mounting pleasure, the feeling that had him pressing the back of his head against the pillows, eyes closed tightly as he begged to be touched. 

Oswald slid his hand between his legs, fingers teasing and stroking along his cock. Ed thrust against him, hissed and moaned as he felt his partner sucking against his collar bone as he touched him. He tugged at his hair, told him he was close; he cursed and moaned when Oswald thrust in harder, urging him to cum. Ed’s blunt nails dug against his back leaving marks as he reached his orgasm, he felt the tension right before release. He found he enjoyed the exhausted relaxation that followed orgasming, he especially enjoyed the gentle way Oswald was kissing along his chest, his own thrusts slow yet deep as he approached his own release. He could feel his hot breath against his skin and listened to his mostly muffled moans and praises. He felt his partner’s body tense, his thrusts more sporadic as he pressed into him completely, hips stilling as he came inside him. Ed pulled at his hair, pulled him up so he could kiss him. The kiss was sloppy and exhausted, Oswald chuckled as he moved to bury his face against the side of his neck. Ed wrapped his arms around him just holding him, after a moment his fiancé was pulling out of him and moving to lay next to him. 

They lay together just staring at one another, gently touching and occasionally kissing.

“I love you.” Oswald whispered, he took hold of his hand bringing it up to his lips. Ed smiled watching him press a kiss against the gold band.

“I love you too.”

He regretted every time in his life he avoided those words, that he treated them like they were sinful and dirty. Before him, before the horrible way he’d reacted to him Oswald had never thought of that word or those feelings as wrong. Ed knew he’d always loathe himself for ruining something so simple yet powerful for him. 

He was pulled from his thoughts when the other man placed a hand against his cheek, Oswald leaned in kissing him gently. He kept close against him, Ed placed a hand against his hip just enjoying the warmth of his skin.

“I swear to you I’ll come back to you and when I do I plan on working on things. I want to make it up to you, I want….I, if you want to then perhaps we can get you some help with….” He trailed off, looked away obviously unsure of how to broach the topic.

Ed kissed his cheek, he leaned his forehead against his. “So, you do plan on coming back.” 

A part of him wanted help, wanted to be able to flush every pill he had down the toilet without having a full breakdown over what it meant. He wanted to see a therapist and tell them about his fears, his urges, but he was terrified of what life would be like if he stopped being him. If that murderous part of himself was gutted completely, he worried he couldn’t handle being his old self again, and he doubted Oswald would much enjoy that either.

Oswald didn’t fight him, didn’t try to push further on the topic. This wasn’t the time for that and he knew it. He simply smiled and brushed his thumb across his bottom lip. “I like to think that I will, but I hate lying about something like that to you.”

For once Ed would prefer if he just lied. He considered telling him they could run away, that they could pack up some of their things and just leave the state. Leave the country if they had to. The urge to say that was at the forefront of his mind, but he knew that Oswald wouldn’t go for it. The city meant more to him than most things did, he wouldn’t just run away with his tail tucked between his legs. If staying meant possible death at the hands of Sophia Falcone then he was willing to risk that, and he knew without it even being said that Ed would avenge his death and take things over.

Ed pressed a kiss against his thumb, he took hold of his hand lacing their fingers together. “I don’t mind if you lie to me about this.”

He knew it was pathetic, but he needed the lie that things were going to be fine.

“I’ll be okay, I’ll come back home, and we can start discussing things about us and our future. Ed, even the times I’ve wanted to scream at you for how selfish and moronic you can be….I love you, I know you don’t always believe that, but it’s true.”

It scared him how easily he could be read by another person. He spent so much of his life changing and adapting, he even changed his last name just to make it clear that he was an enigma that could never be figured out. Oswald seemed to be the first and only person he’d come across who was never shocked or taken off guard by his sides, he just took it in stride even the times it scared the Hell out of him.

He kissed him gently, a comfortable silence fell over them as they just lay together. Ed knew sooner or later he’d need to get ready for his meeting with Falcone, that he’d be left not knowing whether or not Oswald would return home. It scared him thinking about it, it was a situation he had no knowledge of, one he was just learning about and completely in the dark about the outcome. For now he just wanted to not think about it.


	21. Chapter 21

Ed leaned against the doorframe, he smiled softly watching as Oswald talked to Martin. He knew he was trying to find the best way to explain to his son that he’d be going out and hopefully returning. There was only so much that one could expect a child to easily handle, Martin most likely had gone through more than other kids his age, but it still didn’t make any of this easier. It didn’t make it easier on Oswald either, he could tell that he was fighting the urge to cry. Ed felt that sort of heart break watching him pet the boy’s hair and look at his son like he was never going to see him again. 

Ed turned and left, decided to give them their moment alone. He hated the feeling that it was a goodbye, it had been some time since he’d seen Oswald so scared and worried about somebody, about what they could do to him. He remembered them talking about Fish Mooney and her army of meta humans, back before there was a term for what those people were. He’d been scared then, Ed remembered feeling confident, and proud that he could be a source of encouragement and information for his dear friend. Though then he felt he didn’t deserve Oswald’s kindness; he thought about the sweater and the cookies, all the little yet major things that he’d done for him during that time. He owed him so much.

He sighed heavily, he removed his glasses and ran his hand over his face. He leaned back against the wall and did his best to keep his mind from drifting, to keep himself from thinking of this as an end. He swore though that something felt different, but this was Gotham after all. Nothing ever felt the way it should.

“Are you okay?”

Ed put his glasses back on, he turned to face the other man and nodded. “Just peachy.”

Oswald placed a hand on his shoulder giving a firm squeeze, Ed liked the weight of his hand, he wished he’d just keep it there awhile longer.

“God you suck at lying, we need to work on your lying skills sometime.” He commented, he leaned up kissing his cheek.

“Have you heard anything from Ms. Falcone?” 

“Yes actually, she sent me a text requesting that I come to her home. Says she wants to talk.” There was a mocking tone to his voice as he rolled his eyes.

Ed took hold of his hand. “Are you absolutely certain you don’t want me to come along?”

Just one last chance to get permission.

‘Stop asking for permission for everything.’

“I’m positive. You don’t need to involve yourself in my fuck up, I started this, so I should finish it.”

He wanted to argue that he didn’t need to do this alone, he didn’t have to handle anything alone. He had him, but that was the problem. He knew that if something happened to him, Oswald would never forgive himself. 

‘You owe me a little grand theft auto and a killing spree after this.’

“Okay, just call me when it’s over.”

Oswald gave his hand a squeeze. “I will, I don’t want to leave you worrying anymore about me than you already have been.”

There was a lingering silence as they stood looking at one another. Ed kissed him, lips lingering against his just hoping that maybe he’d change his mind and stay or find a different way to handle the situation. He felt a relief when fingers stroked against the back of his neck.

“I love you, I promise I’ll see you later tonight.” Oswald whispered against his lips before kissing him again. The moment was short lived, he stepped away from him letting go of his hand.

Ed walked him to the door, he hugged him one last time hiding his face against the side of his neck as he breathed in the scent of his cologne. He had a million things he felt he should say to him in that moment, but he was lost for any way of verbalizing those feelings, those thoughts. He was silent when their embrace ended, a light helplessness as he watched him go out the door and get into the waiting car outside. He couldn’t help but feel that something would go wrong. 

He watched as the car disappeared into the night, he looked up towards the sky and couldn’t help but feel that something was wrong.

‘End of the world perhaps?’

Ed walked back inside, he closed the door behind him. He felt the eeriness of the sudden silent, the sound only broken by cawing. He looked to see George perched atop the grandfather clock, the bird watched him as if knowing what he was thinking, what he was feeling.

“If the world’s ending, you’d let me know. Right?” He questioned.

The bird continued to watch him, a moment later it left its perch. He smiled when the bird landed on his shoulder. 

He made his way into the living room where Martin was still sitting on the couch. He seated himself next to him, watched as the boy sat there drawing something in his sketch pad. He glanced down to see he was drawing a full-blown massacre, he felt these were things they should address, he felt it probably wasn’t normal that most of his drawings depicted violent means of death, but Oswald was proud of him. Ed had to admit he was rather proud of him as well. 

Martin stopped drawing, he sat the pencil to the side and turned his attention to Ed.

‘Is he really coming back home?’ He signed.

“Of course he is, your dad always keeps his word.”

It wasn’t a lie, Oswald kept his word more times than not. It all dealt with the way he’d been raised and a paranoia that if he didn’t keep his word then he’d let down the ones he loved. 

Martin looked at the ring that Ed wore on his finger. ‘Are you two getting married?’

“Hopefully….Are you okay with that?”

The boy shrugged, he picked up his pencil this time writing instead of drawing. 

‘You make my dad happy, just don’t hurt him.’

“Fair enough.”

He’d take that as a yes, not a strong one, but a yes either way. George cawed before moving from Ed’s shoulder to perch on the back of the couch, watching as always. Ed looked towards the clock, not much time had passed, but he still couldn’t help but worry.


	22. Chapter 22

Oswald hesitated outside of the Falcone estate, he had one gloved hand on the door knob and remembered the hundreds of times he’d visited years ago. Back when Carmine Falcone was the one who vacated the large estate alone except for the company of a devious young woman and Zsasz. Now he was on his death bed down in Florida or maybe he already passed and Sophia hadn’t informed him of that news just yet. Now she was there, alone, and waiting. Oswald had a great respect for her father, before he’d found out about his own biological father he’d thought of Carmine as a type of father, one who could have shot him in the head multiple times, but thankfully never had. Carmine had seen something in him, Oswald worried he never lived up to that; he knew his way of running things, the millennial way so to speak wasn’t how Carmine would do it. Sophia had been kind enough to point that out on two or five occasions. He smiled to himself thinking about her, the scent of her perfume and her smiles that went from genuine to hiding seething hate and deceit. He thought about the rage she must be feeling right now, he remembered the rage he had felt when he’d had Theo on his knees. He knew he still had time, he could kill Gordon, or at least bludgeon him then bring his unconscious bound and gagged body back to the estate for her to finish off.

“You going in or what?” Zsasz asked, confused and impatient.

Oswald knew he had little to no qualms with killing Sophia, he’d apparently never been fond of either Falcone child. He’d considered Mario to be too clean cut, too macho, and fake with his bleached teeth and overly styled hair. He considered Sophia to be unhinged, Oswald had told him a time or to not to say such things about her, but he knew he was right. She wasn’t completely okay, in some ways she reminded him of Ed, but only if Ed didn’t deal with even half of his bull shit.

He gave himself one more second before opening the door and stepping into the main hall. The mostly silence was a bit unsettling, it made him think of the horror movies that came on TV late at night, the ones where the victims walked into a home that appeared empty but you could feel a threatening and unseen presence lurking in the halls. 

His men hung back, armed and ready for however this may work out; Zsasz was the only one who really followed him inside. Victor was normally with him, often accompanying him even at times where Oswald would desperately want for him to just give him and Sophia privacy. 

He casually strolled into the office where he found her. Two guards on either side of the desk that once belonged to her father, but now she was seated behind it. She didn’t seem like she’d been waiting for his arrival, despite being the one requesting his appearance. She finished writing, set her papers to the side then looked up at him. He felt that familiar tug in his chest when she smiled at him, red full lips turning up at the corners, he found himself smiling back. 

“Oswald I was worrying you wouldn’t come.” 

“You know me better than that, I wouldn’t keep you waiting.”

He watched her every move, watched as she scooted her chair back, stood up, straightened her skirt then slowly made her way around the desk. He tensed as she approached him, a sudden spike of fear squashing every warm familiar feeling he’d had just a second ago. She knew. She knew and if he let her get close she would have a damn good chance at killing him. 

She placed a hand against his cheek, soft fingers gently caressing his skin, she was staring at him with alarmingly dark brown eyes that were attempting to read him. He averted his gaze, stared towards the desk behind her, he was unsure what he felt when she touched along his jaw. 

“What’s the matter, you seem tense.” 

“You don’t need to do this, I know that you know.” 

She sighed as she let her hand drop, she stepped back away from him and folded her arms across her chest as she leaned back against the desk. There was a shift in her expression and her stance, he was still unclear if she’d just been attempting to seduce him into doing what she wanted him to do, or if she’d just been hoping he’d remember how things had been back before. Hoping he’d change his mind just for her.

“I was hoping we could kill some time before that.”

He didn’t like the way she said the word kill.

“I prefer getting to business especially where friends are concerned.”

She continued to stare, eyes squinting for a moment. “It really is true then, you’re not going through with it. You aren’t going to kill Gordon.”

He tightened his grip on his cane. “Look I….I know how you feel.”

“Yes, you do, you know better than anyone else here how I feel. Even my father doesn’t understand how I feel, he called off Zsasz just because Jim’s ex changed her mind. I can’t just let him get away with what he did to Mario.”

There wasn’t a complete rage in her voice, she was panicked and scared; relieving a god-awful memory of getting a phone call. Hearing about her brother’s brutal murder, about a funeral that her father forbid her from attending because he knew once she set foot in Gotham that she would not only rain Hell down upon the city itself but Jim Gordon especially. Oswald knew well that Gordon had unintentionally invited her, but he knew he himself was the one who fed the fire.

“It won’t make anything better.”

Admittedly it had felt quite incredible to beat Theo within an inch of his life then cram an umbrella down his gullet. It had felt amazing drugging, chopping up and cooking Grace’s children then stabbing her seventy-five times and drinking her blood while toasting her mutilated corpse, and even freezing Ed and putting him on display to be humiliated and to have selfies taken with his terrified frozen form…all of it had felt great, but once the high had died down he’d just felt like shit. His mom and dad were still dead, his father’s remains were still missing, and there was still a horrible scar on his abdomen from where the man he loved shot him. 

“I don’t care about feeling better, I want justice for my brother.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you do it. I can’t do it myself and I know that if I allow you to go near Jim then you’ll spend about a week torturing him before you put him out of his misery.”

She stepped away from the desk, approached him. “I just want to rip the skin from his body and feed him his eyes. That’s all.” There was a sickly sweet tone to her voice.

He thought about his fight with Ed, his point that Jim didn’t care about any of them. That this moment right now, Jim wasn’t aware of this, and if he were then he wouldn’t be grateful or thankful. He might pull Oswald to the side away from good citizens and the cops, thank him for saving him, for risking his life for him, but that would be it. Oswald smiled thinking about that, he was a lunatic for going through this for a man who didn’t care.

“No.” He replied simply.

He was caught off guard when she kissed him, lips pressed firmly against his. He grabbed her wrist tightly, fingers digging against her skin in a bruising grip. He pulled back, took a step away from her, he looked down at the letter opener she held in her hand. He smirked, hummed to himself as he gave her wrist a hard twist, she cried out in pain dropping the knife.

“I was really hoping we could have this discussion without murder being involved, but I suppose that’s out of the question.” He said as he released her wrist. 

Her two men walked forwards, Oswald smiled when he heard the gun go off once, twice followed by the heavy thuds of her guard’s bodies hitting the ground. 

She let out an angry cry as she swung at him nearly hitting him in the jaw, he side stepped, untwisted the top of his cane and retrieved his knife letting the cane drop to the floor. In a moment she was crouching to retrieve her own knife. She lunged for him, knife held out, the blade just grazed his side. Oswald brought his elbow down hitting her between the shoulder blades knocking her to the ground. When he went to kick her she drew the knife across his ankle. He cursed stumbling backwards, he was distracted when he heard footsteps. He looked towards the other room to see more of her crew coming into the room, thankfully he had Zsasz and his own gang to back him up.

Sophia grabbed him by the throat and slammed him back against the wall, he hissed at the pain that shot through his back and the throbbing in the back of his skull from the impact. Her face was just an inch away from his, he could feel her warm breath on his cheek, and see the excitement in her eyes at what they were doing. He understood more and more why her father kept her locked away, she was what was hidden in Pandora’s box.

He managed to bring the knife up plunging it into her stomach, her eyes widened as she took a stumbling step backwards. She reached down clutching at the handle, she stared down at the weapon protruding from her gut then back up at him. There was a childish shock as if she couldn’t believe she could be hurt, that she could possibly bleed. The look didn’t last though. He watched as she pulled the knife out, her breaths heavy and labored, the pain more than visible on her face as she grit her teeth. A moment later she was charging at him, knife being slashed through the air as she came at him. He attempted to get out of the way, but his knee locked up causing him to nearly fall. She managed to stab just two inches into his right shoulder. He placed a hand against her chest shoving her away from himself, he growled as he pushed her back towards and onto the desk.

Oswald froze when he felt the floor beneath his feet suddenly begin violently shaking. Even the gun shots paused as books and statues began flying off their shelves and tabletops. Oswald looked around the room, he was beginning to lose his balance as the floor continued to violently shake. He heard one of their men, his or hers yell ‘earthquake’. The shaking only intensified followed by a sudden searing pain and partial blindness.

He blinked, realization struck that only his left eye was blinking. He looked down at Sophia, she was grinning up at him, there was no longer a knife in her hand. No, she no longer had it.

She placed her hands against his shoulders and shoved him off her knocking him back against the violently shaking floor.

The knife was protruding out of his right eye or at least where an eye once was, now it was popped and eviscerated. Shock left his teeth chattering and his fingers trembling, he didn’t even fully feel in control of himself as he reached up and grabbed the handle of the knife, pried it out of the now gaping hole where an eye once was. He got up on unsteady feet, legs trembling, and the floor shaking as if it were ready to break wide open and take them all down to Hell for the horrid atrocities they committed through the years. 

Sophia wasn’t looking at him, he figured she presumed him dead or unconscious. He couldn’t help but laugh when he plunged the knife into her chest, her eyes bulging and mouth falling open as she stared up at him. He twisted the blade before jerking it out, he went to stab her again, but suddenly was being grabbed around the waist and dragged away from her. He could feel the sticky heat of his own blood streaming down his face, he felt light headed and shaky. Shock. He was going into full shock. 

By the time Victor threw him into the backseat of the car he had passed out completely.


	23. Chapter 23

Ed felt this strange sort of sensation as he waded through the immensely crowded lobby of the hospital. He could just faintly hear shouts and screams, sirens from outside where the panic of the citizens, paramedics, and cops was only growing instead of calming. He felt hands against his back shoving him, people pushing and pulling like they were in the mosh pit of a concert. He could feel Martin squeezing his hand tightly, he did his best to keep him close to him not wanting to lose his son in the horrid chaos of panic. He knew he was scared, he shared in that feeling. He felt as if he were disassociating, he felt everything, but at the same time it was as if he were watching it happen from some place else.

Victor grabbed his arm and pulled him through the crowd and into a cleared spot near the hallway.

“You guys okay?” He asked.

Ed blinked hard, he took a deep breath willing himself back into existence even if this was not where he wanted to be.

“Mostly, I mean the mansion is a wreck from the quakes, but we’re okay. Where’s Oswald?”

It wasn’t until now that he noticed Zsasz had his gun in hand, his dark brown eyes darted around the hospital as if daring anybody to cross him. Ed had a feeling that he’d already used it.

“We got him admitted right as the shit show started.”

“How?”

Zsasz smirked, he held his gun up. “This really persuades people to move their asses.”

Ed couldn’t help but laugh, the sound of his own laughter was morbid and unfitting, but it was that or uncontrollable screaming or crying.

“What happened?”

“He’s not dead or dying.” 

“Zsasz tell me what happened.”

“Okay; we were at Sophia’s place and….Things got a little out of hand when the earthquakes hit.”

He felt this pang of anger hearing her name, he knew fully well before Oswald even left that she would do something to him. He knew maybe he should be happy he wasn’t dead, but he couldn’t help but be scared and angry. He couldn’t help the fact that he wanted to turn around, go find her, and force her to eat her own entrails.

“Where is she?”

“That’s the other thing….I don’t really know where she is exactly. I brought Oz here, once he woke up he started yelling for me to find her body just to make sure she’s dead, and I had some of the guys check. She’s not there, there’s a blood trail, but then it runs cold. More than likely I think she’s dead, she probably curled up and died in some corner, but the boss is pretty sure she’s still alive.”

Ed tried to calm himself, he attempted to make himself think the way he used to when he worked forensics. Be more clinical and critical with his thinking, the emotions he was feeling were making that a difficult task. 

“How injured was she?” He finally managed to ask.

“Well she got stabbed in the chest, I think he would have done more damage if I hadn’t pulled him off.”

He knew Oswald well enough to know that it had to be a gnarly chest wound, he remembered the victims of his rage fits and revenge when their bodies would show up in the morgue. He remembered watching him kill dozens of people, he never went clean and simple, his emotions never let him do that. 

“There’s a good chance she’s dead then, but either way I suggest your men keep searching for her. If she’s dead we want the body just to make sure, if she’s alive then we definitely want her.” Ed stated coolly.

Zsasz smiled, he never seemed against the idea of a little murder or torture. 

“Right now, though can you please take us to his hospital room.”

“Oh yeah sure.”

Zsasz turned and began shoving through people. Ed continued to survey their surroundings, the lights in the building flickered and he had the feeling the power would be out again soon. A lot of the people in the building just had minor injuries, but others were in horrific shape. He overheard doctors on their cell phones asking questions, heard nurses discussing how the bridges had collapsed, and how supposedly help would be coming in from both Metropolis and Central City. They were working out an evacuation situation, moving the injured to nearby cities where they could receive proper help.

They stopped outside of a room with a pale blue door.

“Thanks, do you mind watching Martin while I go in?” 

“No problem”

Ed knelt in front of the boy. “Hey, I’m going to go in first, okay? I’ll just be a few minutes then you can go in and see your dad.” He forced a smile as he placed a hand on his shoulder. 

Martin nodded, he looked scared, and Ed felt bad for that. The boy hugged him tightly, he could feel his fingers curling against his shirt, he hugged him back offering as much comfort as he could. He knew they were lucky, all of this could have played out much worse than it did. 

Ed straightened up, he watched as Zsasz lead Martin over to a row of plastic chairs. 

He turned his attention back to the door, he worried about what he was going to see, just how badly Oswald might have gotten hurt. He highly doubted that it was Oswald’s idea to be brought to the hospital.

After a small moment of hesitation, he opened the door and stepped inside, he quietly closed the door behind him. The room was medium sized, the walls painted the same shade of sickly blue as the door, floral wallpaper decorating the lower half of the walls as if to give a sense of life and comfort to the room. He thought about nursing homes and their false cheeriness smothered by the scent of bleach and medicine and death. This was a lot like that. The bed nearest to the door was empty, most likely by request, and the bed near the window on the other side of the room was taken by Oswald. Ed swallowed hard looking at him, he slowly stepped closer feeling this sort of fear looking at him. He was sitting in the bed staring out the window, from here there was quite the view of the burning and collapsed buildings, helicopters circling in the air. Ed’s focus was mostly on his partner though; he looked thin and far too pale, the blue and white hospital gown did nothing for his complexion. He remembered thinking the same thing when he’d found him in the woods all that time ago, undressing him and thinking about how malnourished he looked. 

Ed cleared his throat letting his presence be known.

Oswald turned his head to face him. Ed froze seeing the white bandages that covered his right eye, bruised flesh peaked out from beneath the bandages. 

“Staring is very rude Ed.” He chided, a small smile on his face as he stared back at his partner.

Ed looked away, “Sorry, I just…” He felt lost for what to say or do even.

He stepped closer to the bed, carefully sat down on the side of it. He didn’t realize he was crying until Oswald was brushing the tears from his cheek with the pad of his thumb.

“When Victor called I thought, I thought you were dead.” His voice was hushed, he still felt scared as if he’d snap out of it to find that Oswald was in fact dead.

“No, I’m not, I’m too stubborn for that. Are you and Martin okay?”

Ed nodded, “Fine, we’re both….He’s in the hall with Zsasz right now, the earthquakes scared him, but he’s a bit better now.”

He kept his gaze downward, nervously fidgeting with his fingers. Oswald placed his index and middle fingers beneath his chin gently turning his head so that he was facing him. Ed felt this strange sense of guilt looking at him, seeing the bruises and the way his black hair flopped down over his face, and how his freckles stood out against his skin. 

“I love you.” Oswald whispered.

Ed choked up at hearing the words, his crying only worsening. Oswald moved to sit next to him, he wrapped an arm around his waist. 

“I was scared, I thought….We were hiding in the bathroom when the quakes started and then when Victor called I just….I still feel like maybe you’re not even really here right now.” Ed confessed.

He cautiously reached up placing a hand against his cheek, his skin felt warm beneath the palm of his hand. He was solid and real just like before he left the house that day. Oswald leaned in kissing him gently.

“I’m real darling, I promise you that. I also promise that I won’t hide anything from you again, I’m all yours as long as you still want me.”

Ed laughed, he pet his fingers back through his hair just wanting to keep him close. “Of course I do, I always want you.”

Oswald kissed him once more, Ed enjoyed the feeling of his lips against his. It was a feeling he thought he wouldn’t get to experience again.

“Now would you mind getting my clothes for me, they’re on that chair by the bathroom door.”

Ed got up from the bed, he went to the chair retrieving the neatly folded pile of clothes and returning to the bed with them.

“They actually were going to throw my clothes out, hazardous or some ridiculous shit like that. I told Victor I didn’t even want to come here, but I apparently went into shock after this happened.” He said pointing towards the bandage over his right eye. 

Ed sat on the edge of the bed, quiet as he watched Oswald get up. The other man removed the hospital gown revealing more wounds, large harsh bruises scattered over his torso, and stitched up wounds from the fight he’d been in. He wanted to touch the marks, a morbid fascination with the new and old scars and wounds.

“Your eye is it….”

Oswald sighed as he buckled his belt, he picked up his black slightly ripped dress shirt and pulled it on. “It’s gone, the damn bitch stabbed my eye out with my own knife.” There was a violent hatred in his words, something about that made Ed feel better.

‘Looks like the love died there, good for us.’

Ed got up from the bed, he followed Oswald into the bathroom.

“I gave her the chance, I thought she could be at least the slightest bit reasonable, but no.” He continued ranting as he leaned in closer to the mirror that hung over the sink.

Ed watched as he pushed at the bandage probably considering removing it just to see what the wound looked like.

“I wouldn’t bother that much, not until it’s time to clean it.”

Oswald closed his eye. “It’s not like I really had looks going for me in the first place.” He muttered.

Ed circled his arms around his waist hugging him from behind, he pressed a kiss against his shoulder. “I still find you incredibly handsome and you’re alive and when things calm some then we can get married.” 

He smiled at that, he turned around to face him looking up at him. “I absolutely don’t deserve you.” He said before leaning up and kissing him.

Ed held him close, “You deserve better actually, but I promise I’m going to really work on things…..I already have Victor’s men out looking for Ms. Falcone.”

“Thank you, if she’s alive I promise we can torture and kill her together.” He smiled as he traced his fingers along his jaw. “I know you’ve been wanting to kill her quite badly, I’d hate robbing you of that opportunity.” He took hold of Ed’s hand bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss against the gold ring.

Knocking on the hospital room door broke the moment, Oswald kissed his cheek before moving away from him to go answer the door. Ed stood in the bathroom doorway watching as Martin rushed into the room hugging his father, Oswald held his son close, and Ed knew he was relieved that he could see his son again.

“I’m alright my boy, I promised you I’d be fine.” He spoke softly as he pet his fingers through curly brown hair.

Zsasz entered the room closing the door behind him, Oswald turned his attention to him. “Any word on Sophia?”

“Well they found one of her guys, they’re questioning him now. He apparently says he doesn’t know anything about where she is. Do you wanna talk to him?” 

Oswald glanced back down at Martin, “Later, do what you need to with him, but just don’t kill him. If he doesn’t speak tonight, then I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

“No problem boss.”

“Also, can you please get the car ready and before you go.” Oswald stepped up to Victor. “Never bring me to the hospital again, the bastards were actually considering amputating my leg.”

“So just let you die in the backseat of my car next time or…” Zsasz quipped back.  
“Just get the car.” 

Zsasz smirked at him, he turned and left the room. 

Ed knew bits and pieces about why he despised hospitals, he knew it was pointless to mention Zsasz did the right thing by bringing him to the hospital instead of trying to take care of this at home.

By the time they were signing out of the hospital things had only intensified. 

“You would think the world was ending.” Oswald commented as he pushed past a group of people who were currently yelling at a nurse. Ed and Martin followed closely behind.

Outside looked like utter Hell. Smoke permeated the air, cracks rippled through the street, sidewalks were smashed upwards as if Hell was trying to burst through. Buildings were a mix of completely totaled and partially collapsed, cars and ambulances sped through the streets, and people were in panic looking for one another. 

The only real solace was inside the black car that waited for them. Ed let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.

“Is the mansion okay?” Oswald asked.

“Mostly, minor damage that I can get repaired.” 

“Good.”

Ed watched him as he looked out the car window, even if Oswald didn’t say so Ed knew this was scaring the Hell out of him. This was the city they were raised up in, where they went through good and bad, and now with a single natural disaster it was plummeting into a type of Hell. 

He wanted to question if he was okay; both because of his injuries and because of the current state of their city, but now wasn’t the right time. He knew if he asked now that he wouldn’t receive an honest answer, just a tight-lipped smile and assurance that he was okay and had no reason not to be. So Ed turned his attention out the window, watching Hell break loose and feeling a sense of nonexistence as if this couldn’t be happening.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the final chapter of this story of mine, it honestly went much longer and even quite differently than I had originally planned on. I'm glad for that though and I know this ending doesn't feel much like an ending, because it really isn't. I do plan on in the near future starting a sequel to this story, going more into No Man's Land (slightly more the comics, not Gotham's take) and exploring some other AU possibilities. 
> 
> Until I get that started I will be posting other fics in the meantime. Thank you to everybody who has been reading this story, leaving kudos, and comments. I really do appreciate all of it.

There was a comfort in returning home, considering he had worried he wouldn’t ever get to see home again. He was relieved to see that for the most part the mansion was still standing, minor damage mostly inside their shared home. 

Ed walked him through what damage had been done, he’d already made calls and arrangements for repairs in the west wing of the home as well as furniture to replace what had been damaged or destroyed. Oswald found a nostalgic comfort having Ed by his side, listening to him prattle on about these little factual helpful things. He found it was becoming easier to trust him again, to allow him to be his right-hand man just like he had been before.

Once Martin was in bed the two of them continued discussing business. They danced around the topic of what to do about Gordon; Oswald despite everything had no plans on harming the cop, but in the back of his mind he worried Gordon would try and prevent him from killing Falcone. He knew push come to shove that would come down to being an in the moment sort of a problem. Ed thankfully didn’t mention it, he stuck solely to the topic of Sophia and her gang, they had spread out during the quakes, and only a few of them had been found. Zsasz had apparently attempted to contact Carmine but couldn’t get through. Oswald felt maybe that was for the best.

Oswald poured himself a second glass of wine then poured a drink for Ed already knowing he wouldn’t indulge much if at all. He wondered why Ed preferred pills to wine.

“Did the doctor give you any medication for your eye?” Ed inquired, the question sudden.

“Pain killers, why?”

“Well you probably shouldn’t drink if you’ve taken them, I presume you’ll take some tonight.”

Oswald took a long drink as if to make an immature point.

“I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Besides speaking of medication, we should discuss your stash.”

Ed pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, eyes lowered.

“I’ll flush them tonight.” He commented softly.

Oswald looked at him, he knew when it came to lying he wasn’t brilliant at it, and he felt when it came to this he was being truthful or as truthful as he could bring himself to be.

“Good. Look I’m not judging, God knows I can’t judge. I just want to have things the way they were and for that to happen I need to know you’re okay, that you aren’t high off your ass or anything like that.”

Ed nodded, he looked up at him and smiled softly as if to show he took no offense to his earlier comments. 

“I perfectly understand and considering the state of the city right now…..I had some ideas about that actually.” Ed leaned forward, eyes lighting up with that excitement he got when he struck genius. “The city is going to need somebody to turn to, you saw the way it is out there right now. There’s already riots, the cops hardly have anything contained, and sooner than later the looting and gang wars will start. People are going to need somebody to place everything under control.”

Oswald leaned back in his chair, he smiled already loving the thought of things. He still was at the top in some sense, by some means of luck the city trusted him more than the police at the end of the day.

“See these are the things I love you for.” He commented. “Do you think it’d be possible for us to get our hands on rations and medicine people will need?”

“Should be simple enough, just need to make some calls, have Zsasz make a few visits. Your crew should be able to take things over, keep other gangs in line.”

Oswald raised his glass in a faux toast before taking another long drink finishing off his drink, he set the glass on the table. “Perfect, but for tonight I just want to get out of these clothes and be grateful that I’m back home.” He said as he got up from his seat.

Ed followed suit, wrapped an arm around his waist as they made their way out of the dining room and towards the staircase and up towards their bedroom. It would always feel nice knowing all of it was theirs, their bedroom, their home, their son, and even their club they could run together. As much pride as there was for him in making it where he was on his own, having nobody to share it with was a depressive Hell. He liked knowing he had a fiancé, that he had a son; he knew he’d continue to do anything to keep it that way.

Once they were in their bedroom Ed began undressing to change into his usual sleep clothes while Oswald went into the bathroom to throw away a shirt he was rather fond of and work on cleaning his wounds. 

He closed the bathroom door behind him, he removed his shirt tossing it in the trash bin. He made his way over towards the sink, he looked at himself in the mirror sneering at his own reflection. He had no doubt in his mind he’d be scooping her eye out and forcing her to eat it, eye for an eye only sounded right. 

He pulled at the bandage pulling away the tape that held it down against his skin, he held his breath as he pulled the padding away tossing it into the sink. He felt a sinking in his stomach looking at the wound; the skin all around his socket was horribly bruised, a cut started above his eye and ran down under the socket a good four inches long. The socket itself was wrecked, eyelid and all gone. He thought about the instructions the doctor had given him; he admittedly hadn’t been listening all that much. He closed his eye remembering being told to wash his hands before anything else, something about warm water and cotton balls. He opened his eye and looked at himself again, looked at inside the socket then immediately looked away.

He jumped when he heard knocking on the bathroom door.

“Come in.” He called.

Ed entered the room closing the door behind him, Oswald avoided looking in his direction feeling almost ashamed and guilty of his appearance. He knew it was dumb to feel this way, but he couldn’t help it.

“Are you okay?”

“Just, just trying to figure out how to clean….this.” He said gesturing towards his eye.

“I can do that for you if you don’t mind.”

Oswald glanced towards him. “You don’t have to.”

“I helped you with your shoulder and your leg, I can help you with this.”

He knew he was right, Ed was the only person he ever trusted when it came to him and his physical issues. He stepped away from the sink, he lowered the lid on the toilet and sat down. He watched as Ed went into his mode of caretaker, gathering cotton balls, getting the box of bandages out of the medicine cabinet, washing his hands, and then filling the sink with hot water. 

“Tilt your head back please.” 

Oswald obeyed leaning his head back. 

Ed gently touched his bruise skin making the other man flinch, Ed softly apologized. 

“This might feel weird.” He warned.

“Ed, I have a hole in my face, I already feel weird.”

Ed ignored the bitter comment, he took a wet cotton ball and began circling the edges of his socket with it. He hummed to himself as he cleaned the area, being careful not to press too hard. His touch was clinical yet somehow loving as he cleaned the wound. 

“How the Hell do you know all this, when you worked for the GCPD you spent your time with corpses, not living people.”

“I’ve always had a fascination with medicine and the human body, even wanted to become a doctor at one point before I wanted to become a cop.”

Oswald chuckled. “Now you’re a villainous serial killer who offers medical assistance to his mobster fiancé.”

Ed smiled proudly, “Proud of it. Wasn’t there something you wanted to be, before this?”

“I wanted to be a fireman if that counts for anything, I was five.”

Ed laughed, “I can’t imagine you doing that.”

“Me either, I just really liked fire if I’m being honest.”

So many times as a child he’d play with lighters and matches even after his mother would scold him and try to put them in places he shouldn’t be able to reach, he remembered always being able to find them though when she’d go off to work.

Ed retrieved bandages from the counter, he was careful in placing the patch over the socket then taping it down. He leaned down pressing a kiss against his forehead.

“All better now.”

“Thank you, truly I appreciate it.” He said as he got to his feet. 

Ed worked on cleaning up and putting things away, he looked at him smiling softly. “It’s no problem at all.”

He exited the room returning to their bedroom. He finished undressing choosing at least for the night to just stick to boxers, he didn’t want the feeling of a shirt touching the wounds on his body. He got into bed curling up beneath the comforter. 

Ed returned to the room, Oswald watched as he went to the closet. He opened the door and reached in grabbing up a box they both knew was there, but for awhile Oswald pretended that he didn’t know was there. Ed carried the box into the bathroom, in a moment he could hear the pills rattling, plinking into the toilet followed by the sound of flushing. Ed returned to the room, now empty box in hand, he placed it on the dresser before joining his fiancé in bed.

Oswald wrapped an arm around his waist holding him close, he rest his head against his chest listening to the beating of his heart. 

“Thank you.” 

“I told you I’d get rid of them.”

He closed his eye relaxing as he felt his partner’s fingers carding through his hair. He breathed in his scent realizing he very possibly could have never seen him again. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too, I promise I’m going to be a good husband.” 

Ed kissed the top of his head. “I know you will be.”

Oswald pressed a kiss against his chest. “I missed you like Hell, all the time when I didn’t have you here. I know that I shouldn’t need you, but I do. I sort of hate myself for not being stronger.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, I’m here now, and once Sophia is taken care of then we can focus on us.” Ed smiled thinking about it. “Ruling kings of Gotham, once again.”

Oswald chuckled, curled his fingers against his side. “I missed ruling with you.”

He truly had missed it, there had been a stability in having Ed by his side. He knew quite well that if by any chance he was left on his own again that he would in fact be fine, but he preferred it this way. He preferred the safety and comfort in having the man he loved by his side and keeping him from going off the handle. There was also just the loving comfort in feeling his arm around him holding him close like this, he could even ignore the sound of sirens far off in the distance.

He always knew if the world ended this was where he wanted to be.


End file.
